Silence is the most powerful scream
by albertadreams
Summary: JISA/ AU/ SETS IN S06E18/ UNDER PRESSURE – this story explores the time after Jack's heart attack. How are Lisa and Jack going to deal with Jack's state? The story starts differently than it was shown at the end of S6E18.
1. Chapter 1

**Silence is the most powerful scream**

JISA/ AU/ SETS IN S06E18/ UNDER PRESSURE – this story explores the time after Jack's heart attack. How are Lisa and Jack going to deal with Jack's state? The story starts differently than it was shown at the end of S6E18.

(Alright, here goes another one. I am trying my best to turn this story suggestion into reality.  
English is not my native language, so pls excuse any grammatical mistakes.)

Chapter 1

It's been a while. Two weeks maybe. Or more? No, it must have been two weeks by now since Lisa sent the letter to Heartland.  
The letter.  
It took all her courage to start it, to finish it, to put his name on it and to send it. But she did it. With shaking fingers and an even shakier heart. And now? Now two weeks already passed and she hadn't heard anything from him. Did he even get it? Did he even open it? Did he even read it?  
Now after two weeks and without any reaction, she almost felt ashamed about the content of the letter. It was written during a very emotional moment and it was already late at night when she sealed the two edges of the paper.  
What if he laughed about it? Would he? No, this wasn't like him. But maybe he was too confused about her change of minds. First she left him, now she asked if there was a chance to close the gap that lay between them. But hell, yes. She missed him. Badly. There was seldom a minute without thinking about him.  
Her time in France had been awful so far. Friends kept asking what was going on and why she was in such a bad and depressed mood. To be honest, she found it hard to answer. Didn't do it most of the time. Only to the really close friends who actually understood why on earth she had fallen for an old cowboy like Jack Bartlett. All the other ones were only making fun of their relationship behind her back and Lisa couldn't use any of this stress at the moment.  
Because she missed him. Badly.  
So, two weeks. Two weeks had passed with nothing that would tell her how he thought about her feelings. Meanwhile, she was going crazy, throwing herself from one corner to the other, debating if she should take the next flight and talk to him in person or just accept his silence. She picked up the phone more than once but couldn't get herself to actually dial his number. What should she say? What would he say? What was there to talk about? A lot. A lot, a lot, but nothing that could be cleared over the phone and such a distance.  
So she booked the next flight and... took it.  
It's been the worst flight she had ever been on. It all started before the plane even took off. A delay of four hours just gave her enough time to get really mad. It wasn't easy to actually follow the decision to go back to Canada and the four hour wait at the airport caused her quite a headache. Should she go? Shouldn't she? Should she go? Shouldn't she? What would happen once she was there? Was it too early? Did he want to see her? Would he give them another chance? How could they overcome their differences? Would they have a future together? The whole time she was running around with an heavy head, dropping in all the shops the airport had but didn't buy anything. She couldn't even recall what she had been looking at.  
Of course the delay caused that she missed her connection flight in Montréal. That just gave her enough time to deal with the loss of her baggage that somehow didn't go with the same plane that she was in. Really pissed off and totally messed up and tired, she spent the night in a hotel near the airport. The bed was hard and the coffee bad tasting.  
The flight to Calgary was on time, yet a terrible snow storm that just swept across Southern Alberta made landing almost impossible. The pilot needed three attempts to get the plane safely onto the ground and it took even longer before the crew finally unlocked the doors and dismissed the impatiently waiting passengers.  
To be honest, it almost seemed as if something didn't want her to come back. Maybe it was coincidence. But maybe it was destiny. Destiny after all. Often Lisa would ask herself what destiny wanted from her. Why was every relationship she had falling apart? Why would destiny give her someone that was so unlike her and yet there was this unconditional love that drew them together? That _almost_ unconditional love... . Why would it give her something like that only to take it away again? Wasn't she allowed to be happy? Wasn't she allowed to love? She had no answers to that.  
"Shit!", she called out loud as she almost missed the turn. She should really concentrate on the traffic instead of loosing herself in thoughts about... yeah, about all that stuff she had been racking her brain on for weeks. She was here now, on her way to Heartland. Another decision that wasn't easy to follow. She didn't know if she should hit the gas pedal or the break, yet her foot remained on the gas and brought her closer to the ranch with every meter.  
It wasn't that late but due to the season of the year and with the current snow fall it was already dawning outside.  
Yesterday's snow storm had passed over night and covered the area in a white fluffy blanket. A few roads were closed due to the snow drifts and Lisa had to find her way around them.  
Just another sign that didn't want her to get to Heartland. But she had come that far, there was nothing that would stop her now. Nothing.  
Her car turned right on the next intersection and followed the snowy road that ran next to one of Heartland's fields. The windshield wipers sped up due to the growing snow fall. Big white flakes fell from the sky and crashed against the windows of her car now. With every meter Lisa got closer, she could sense that something wasn't right. Something that was about to happen and it was far from good. Maybe she indeed should turn around and try the phone again before meeting Jack in person. Maybe he needed more time than just two weeks to consider how to reply to her letter. Maybe she should take all those signs that didn't want her to get here seriously. But yet, something kept her going. There was the bad feeling but at the same time a voice in her head told her that she was needed. Needed at this current moment.  
Suddenly the faint silhouette of a horse that stood lonely in the deep snow on the field on the right caught the corner of her eye as her car sped passed it. This was it. This was he source of what made her feel that something happened. Lisa could sense it very clearly. Immediately her foot hit the break. Without another thought she reversed the car and looked at the horse with puzzled eyes. There it stood. All saddled up but without a rider on its back. Paint.


	2. Chapter 2

(It takes a bit longer to upload since I am still trying to figure out where I want the story to go but I hope you all stick around for as long as it takes ;)  
English is not my native language, pls excuse any grammatical mistakes)

Chapter 2

Her feet carried her silently through the snow, crunching and leaving a track of footprints on the white ground. Her breath, visible in the cold evening air, was dangling upwards and hung above her head for a few seconds before disappearing into the sky. The time, yes the time seemed to stand still as Lisa made her way towards the lonely horse. On the field. Among thousands of little snow flakes that hit softly against her face.  
Paint must have been standing there for a little while already. A thin layer of snow covered his topline and whitened the saddle that lay abandoned on his back. Lisa was still a few meters away but as she approached the horse it didn't move at all.  
Not even a glance.  
Not even an ear wiggling.  
It made her wonder if he was hurt, but the snow fall and the dim lightness made it hard to see if there were any visible injuries. When she reached the horse, her hand stroke gently over his fluffy winter coat. The soft damp hair beneath her fingers.  
"Hey boy. What ya' doing here? Are you ok?", she said concerned while reaching out for the reins that hung loosely to the ground. With narrow eyes she scanned the surroundings but couldn't find what she was looking for. The bad feeling that rose with every meter she got closer to Heartland was still there. It was strong and Lisa knew that the real source of it wasn't the horse but the rider that was nowhere to be seen. Something must have happened and the thought of Jack being hurt made her sick. It was way too cold and too late to spend the night injured outside. Various terrible pictures rushed through her mind which didn't make it easier to stay calm.  
Her breath was shaky as she inhaled. Exhaled. Unsettled. Worried.  
Lisa started to make her way around the horse to check his legs when something dark on the ground caught her eye. The horse's body had been blocking her view on it and only now she was finally able to see it. It took her a moment before she recognized that it wasn't something but someone who was laying face down and motionless in the snow. Someone in an all too familiar winter coat of a red and black check pattern. The all too familiar cowboy hat right next to his head.  
Jack.  
It went icecold down her spine as she realized that it was him who lay lifeless in the snow.  
The more she wanted to run towards him, the more her feet wouldn't let her move at all. She was frozen to the ground and her face pale with terror, she was starring at the lifeless body with wide eyes, his name stuck in her throat. Everything inside of her was screaming in shock but she couldn't get out one single sound. Entirely paralyzed Lisa stood next to the horse.  
Only when Paint started to move past her, his belly hit against her back and sent her forward. Stumbling through the deep snow, Lisa rushed over. Down on her knees she came to a halt next to him, her hand on his shoulder, softly shaking.  
"Jack", she heard herself whispering in an high pitched tone that didn't sound like her at all.  
"Jack!", a bit louder this time and still shaking his arm, but there was no reaction. Nothing that would show her that he was still alive. Nothing.  
Yet, the pulse.  
She needed to take his pulse.  
Her fingers reached for his neck, looking for the right spot right under his jaw bone. The coldness of his skin stroke her. She felt nothing but coldness. Come on. Something. There must be something. Seconds ticked away that felt like an eternity before she finally felt the little pulsation under his skin pumping against her finger. Slowly and weak, but there was definitely some sign of life.  
Lisa exhaled loudly. Relief washed over her and finally cleared her mind. She desperately needed a clear head now to make the right decisions for first aid.  
Quickly she grabbed for the cell phone in her pocket and hit the button for the emergency number. Her fingers were shaking tremendously.  
"Yes, Lisa Stillman here-", she spoke hastily into the phone and passed through all the information the ambulance needed.  
Just in time.  
The last thing she heard was the man at the other end of the phone who was about to tell her when they were gonna be there - then the battery of her cell died.  
She was left alone. With nothing but darkness and snow that surrounded her. Next to the man she loved. Jack.  
Carefully Lisa managed to roll him onto his back. She wasn't sure what happened and was afraid to hurt him even more in case of any broken bones. Still, he needed to get off the cold ground. It wasn't easy but she lifted his upper body and moved forward a bit so his torso would lay in her lap, his head against her shoulder. When she grabbed the sides of his jacket to close it over his chest, something slid out the inside pocket and fell to the ground next to him. It shone white and bright in the dark and Lisa could make out the all too familiar curves and lines of her personal handwriting. It was the envelop. The envelop that carried the letter inside that she wrote. Two weeks ago.  
Lisa swallowed and reached for the paper that was opened on top.  
He had read it.  
He knew.  
He knew that she missed him.  
He knew that she was trying to reach out to him.  
And yet, here they were. Destiny brought them back together in the most terrible circumstances. Again she asked herself why. Why was all of this happening? What was the meaning of all those dreadful things?  
A single tear slid down her cheek as she put the letter into her pocket, closed Jack's coat and carefully folded his arms over it, leaving her arms around him right there. Her head against his temple.  
"Whatever happened, please don't leave me." she sobbed quietly when all of a sudden in the distance a firework started off into the night sky.


	3. Chapter 3

(A shorter chapter. will work quickly on chapter 4  
English is not my native blah blah blah... :P )

Chapter 3

 _(In the hospital)_

What were those noises?  
Too loud.  
Too many.  
His ears hurt.  
His eyes hurt.  
His head hurt.  
His chest hurt.  
His heart hurt.  
Where was all this pain coming from?  
He was trying to reach for his chest.  
Nothing.  
He was trying to lift his arm.  
Nothing.  
He was trying to lift his fingers.  
Nothing.  
Why couldn't he move?  
Maybe just taking a glance on what was going on.  
Or where he was.  
Or where all those noises were coming from.  
But it was dark.  
Too dark to see.  
Why couldn't he open his eyes?  
Let's try to say something.  
No?  
Why wouldn't it work?  
Why was his mouth so numb and dry?  
He needed to say something.  
Urgently.  
He could only hear but not see.  
He could only feel but not speak.  
Feeling that something was horribly wrong.  
*

"Doctor!", Lisa called out as she jumped from the uncomfortable plastic chair and ran after the man that just came through the door that led to the emergency department. When he spun around the end of his white coat whirled through the air.  
"Yes?" a voice of a very deep tone that echoed through the hallway of the hospital. A little name badge was pinned to the white fabric on his chest. Doctor Martinson it said.  
"Sorry, I've been waiting for almost an hour now. I really need to know what is going on.", Lisa said frightened and impatiently.  
A questioning look on his face met her eyes. Of course, he had no clue what she was talking about. So here was another try.  
"Jack Bartlett. He is still in there, isn't he?" She pointed at the opaque glass door that hid everything that was going on behind it. Lisa had been looking at it since she arrived here. She followed everyone who came through and left that door with her eyes, hoping someone would finally step up to her and tell her what happened and if Jack was stable. But nothing like this happened. Nobody told her anything and it made her furious. She needed to know if he was alright.  
"And you are?", he asked straight forward. Lisa was a bit taken back by the objective tone in his voice but answered anyway.  
"Lisa Stillman. I called the ambulance when I found him."  
"Are you related to Mr. Bartlett?"  
"I'm...", Lisa hesitated.  
Was she? Was she related to him? To the family? What role did she play in the Heartland family? She used to be Jack Bartlett's lady friend before their relationship broke apart. But now? There had never been anything that bound them together officially. There was no form, no vow, no ring, nothing. Nothing but the true feelings that they had for each other. But had they been true after all? Was loving each other enough? If loving each other was enough than they would still be together, wouldn't they?  
Lisa didn't know what to say.  
"No. I am just-"  
"Then I am afraid that you will have to wait for the family's consent. You must understand that I am not allowed to pass on information about my patients to others without the family's knowledge.", Doctor Martinson let her know and it sounded more like a voice on the answering machine than a real person that stood in front of her. Again Lisa was a bit taken back and started to get even more angry. Yet, she told herself to stay calm. It wouldn't help anybody if she started fighting.  
"Yes. Yes, of course." , she nodded but didn't agree at all silently.  
It made her mad that she had no right to know if he was alright or not. She had no right to know what had happened or what was wrong with him. She had no right to see him and she had no right to ask after him. After all those years, after all they had been through and after all the things she had done for the family, she was just no one. Just Lisa Stillman, a stranger, far away from being related to the family.  
With a sigh, she sat down on the hospital chair yet another time. Waiting. Waiting for Lou and Amy to come. She wasn't able to call them until she arrived at the hospital. This was already more than an hour ago. Where were they?  
Lisa crossed her arms over the jacket. Something crackled inside of the left pocket. A frown displayed on her face before she remembered what it was. The letter. The reason for Jack's current situation? Hopefully not.  
Fear crept in.  
What had she done.


	4. Chapter 4

(It took me three attempts to write that chapter. The reason why I wasn't able to upload earlier! It is still a bit chaotic but than again... maybe it just matches the situation haha. Anyway: enjoy ;) )

Chapter 4

Something was beeping. Loud and rhythmic. Yet, it was less noisy than earlier. Just the beeping right next to him. He knew this noise from somewhere but couldn't remember where he had heard it before. The same with the smell that penetrated him with every breath he took. It was sharp and pungent and it made him feel sick to his stomach. Something told him that he had been here before but when? And why? Why would he come to such a place that made him vomit any minute. He should leave. If he only could.  
He couldn't move.  
His bones and muscles were stiff and chained him to wherever he was.  
Damn! Where was he?!  
Suddenly, more noises. Various footsteps, some rustling of clothes and voices. Voices of at least three different people. Familiar voices. He knew them but again couldn't remember where he had heard them before.  
He really needed to open his eyes now.-  
"The doctor said he would wake up any minute, so calm down Lou."  
"Yeah, but why isn't he? We have been here for almost half an hour."  
"Maybe he just needs some more time."  
"Ty is right. We are lucky enough that he is still-",  
He is still what?  
Who were they talking about?  
Him?  
Who were they?  
What was going on?  
Come on eyes, open up!  
"I should go and let the doctor know that he is still unconscious."  
Unconscious? Doctor?  
Wait! Doctor, she said. The beeping! The smell! He was in an hospital. He remembered now. Oh lord, he hated hospitals! He really needed to tell them that he wanted to leave. But then again he couldn't speak.  
He couldn't move, he couldn't see and he couldn't speak. Damn it! What happened?!  
"Lou! I think he's moving!"  
Damn right he was. He was trying hard.  
"Grandpa?", one of the female voices said and he could feel a light pressure on his shoulder.  
"Grandpa, wake up. It's Amy. Ty and Lou are here, too.", she said, closer this time.  
Amy? Ty? Lou?  
He knew these names but couldn't recall who they were.  
A faint glimmer of light pierced through the small gap of his eyelids. It was bright and felt like a thousand needles that pricked into the surface of his eyeballs. Instinctively his eyes closed against the sharp lightness followed by a groan that rumbled deep down in his throat.  
"Stay calm. Everything is alright."  
"He is trying."  
"Maybe we should turn off the lights."  
"Just give him some time, Lou!"  
Yes, give me a minute, Lou.  
He was trying again. This time the light wasn't that bright anymore but it hurt nonetheless. Several times his eyes opened and closed until he finally got used to the brightness. The ceiling above him was white and boring to look at. With great difficulty Jack managed to turn his head slightly to the side, following the voices that kept talking to him.  
"Hi grandpa.", the voice that introduced herself as Amy spoke to him. Now that he could see her, still a bit blurry, he recognized her face. She was smiling and it was good to see her. Next to her stood another young woman and a young man, both with smiles on their lips but with worrying eyes. Lou and Ty. He recognized them.  
Bit by bit his brain got back to work like an old car that broke down but wasn't willing to die yet. Like the old truck that he used to drive years ago. He felt just like that. On and off. Off and on. But at the end it never let him down. Always working.  
With every second Jack was able to perceive the things around him. A white and clean hospital room. The heart monitor that was connected to him with several wires and which was the source of the annoying beeping sound. A table and two chairs and the three people that stood next to his bed.  
Good now that he was able to hear and see again, let's say something.  
"Aam-y.", he managed to get out.  
"Yeah, grandpa it's me. Hey. How are you feeling?", Amy said and relief resonated in her voice. The hand on his shoulder squeezed him a bit to encourage him to go on.  
How did he feel? Well, like a roadkill to be honest. Everything on him hurt. There was not one single part that didn't hurt. He was still wondering what happened. Maybe he indeed got hit by a car? Just like a roadkill? Except, he was still alive.  
"Fine", was the only thing he was able to say. His mouth was dry and he was longing for something to drink.  
"Water."  
"Oh. Yes, hang on a minute. I will get some", Lou called out and rushed out the door.  
While she was gone, Jack kept trying to remember what happened. Why was he in hospital and why was he feeling so terrible? The last thing he could remember was the argument with Tim in the barn office. But what was this argument about? Why was he so furious with his son-in-law. Ex son-in-law, he corrected himself but still wasn't sure what they were fighting about. There were also Georgie and Phoenix and a boy he didn't know well and Lou and Peter who were also fighting about something.  
And then there was something else. Something that rose the most different emotions in him. But what was it? He couldn't remember what it was that made his heart so heavy and light at the same time. What was it that would let you feel that way? So relieved, but yet so confused and doubtful.  
A few minutes later Lou came back with a bottle of water and a man in a white coat behind her.  
He checked on the monitor before looking at him seriously.  
"Well hello Mr. Bartlett. I am Doctor Martinson. It is good to see you awake. How are you feeling right now?", the man said in a low voice.  
The same question. The same wrong and incomplete answer: "Fine."  
Doctor Martinson smiled, knowing that this wasn't the truth. The gained experiences over the years had taught him better. He knew what to do.  
"Can you tell me your full name and birthday, please?"  
"Bartlett...I mean Jack Bartlett. It's on the...uhm...My birthday is on...uhm...-". Damn it, he couldn't remember. Why couldn't he remember when his stupid birthday was? The rhythm of the beeping sound sped up.  
With an alarmed expression Lou looked at the doctor. Amy squeezed her grandfather's shoulder one more time and Ty's brow furrowed.  
"No problem, Mr. Bartlett. There is no reason to be nervous. You just woke up and I think it is best to give you some rest for the night. Tomorrow will be another day for questions", he winked at him and turned around to the others. "You should let him go back to sleep. I think he will be more responsive tomorrow."  
"Of course, Doctor Martinson. Thank you.", Lou said while preparing a glass of water.  
"You should wait with that till tomorrow as well.", Doctor Martinson said and pointed at the bottle. "He's on a drip over the night. He will be alright."  
No, he won't. Jack was desperately longing for some water to ease his dry and rough throat but had to agree with the doctor. How on earth should he manage to gulp water? He wasn't even able to sit up straight yet. It made him angry that he wasn't able to do anything than staring a bit to the left and a bit to the right and to utter incomplete sentences. Can somebody please tell him what happened?  
"Doc!", he cawed before the man disappeared through the door. He turned around.  
Jack swallowed and went on:"Wh-at hap-pened?"  
Silence filled the room. Doctor Martinson looked at Amy, Lou and Ty to check if they had told him yet, but each one of them seemed to feel a bit uncomfortable to that question.  
"Well, Mr. Bartlett. You had a heart attack followed by a circulatory collapse. But again, please don't worry. You are stable and things are looking good for you. We still need to do some tests in the next few days but for now... just get some sleep.", with that he smiled encouraging and left the room.  
Again silence lay in the air. No one dared to say anything. Although the doctor's words were quite positive, everyone understood the seriousness of the situation.  
Jack's eyes still rested on the door where the man stood just a few seconds ago. He needed some time to process what he said. Something about a heart attack? Was that true or did he mishear him? No, he definitely said something about a heart attack.  
A heart attack!  
For heaven's sake! He had a heart attack!  
Jack started to panic now.


	5. Chapter 5

(And again too many thoughts in my head that wanted to be written down lol)

Chapter 5

"I cannot let you in, Lisa. I am sorry."  
That sentence...it repeated itself in her head over and over again. She couldn't do anything about it.  
 _I  
cannot  
let  
you  
in._  
In other words: I forbid you to see him.  
That's what it was. Lisa had absolutely no right to see Jack. Amy and Lou were her last hope. With their consent she would've been allowed to check on him herself. She died to see him. The last picture she carried around in her head was taken during that shocking incident at the field. Lifeless and cold. So cold. She wanted to get rid of this picture and this feeling. Needed to replace it with a Jack who lived. Who looked at and spoke to her. Who felt warm underneath her hands. Who felt alive in her arms. Who's breath would tickle on her skin as he spoke and - .  
But there was nothing like that.  
She was still filled with the coldness that met her at the field when she found him laying on the ground. It captured her whole body and made her shiver.  
Here she sat. In her kitchen at the table. With her head in her hands. Lonely and rejected. Rejected from the doctor, from Lou and from everyone else that was at the hospital to see Jack. After two hours of waiting, of worrying and maddening Lou, Amy and Ty finally arrived there. Breathless and panic-stricken. Lisa jumped up as soon as she saw them, relieved and hoping that she would soon find out about Jack's state. She still had no clue what was going on, how he was and what happened to him. The two hours of waiting were just too much to bear. The worst assumptions ran through her head and drove her crazy.  
What if ...  
What if ...  
What if.  
What if she came too late. Too late for help. Too late that he would going to be alright.  
She couldn't deal with the thought that nothing might be the same after that incident. As much as she had always been able to cope with changes, this time and to be more precise, since their break up, it was different. It was hard this time. Hard to deal with and the thought that she might have ruined a possible reunion through her naive letter filled her with fear. She should never have written it. The doubts and the hesitation were right. She should have listened. But it was too late for that.  
Jack had a heart attack. That was the only thing she was allowed to know. When Doctor Martinson talked to the family, she was allowed to listen as well. Thank you very much.  
Well, this was before Lou told her not to see Jack and to go back home. To get some rest and some sleep. HA! The last thing Lisa could do right now was sleeping. There were too many thoughts that kept her awake.  
The hot tea that stood in front of her on the table was cold already. Next to it the letter she had written to Jack. She had been staring at it for a long time but couldn't get herself to open and reread it. Regret and shame replaced the hope she once felt while writing it a couple weeks ago. Lisa was really hoping that sending him a letter would be right. It could have been the new beginning of what they ended but obviously it turned out to be the end of the beginning. With that stupid letter she had revived the things that lay behind them which probably caused his heart attack. It was her fault and Lisa hated herself for it. For what she had done to him. What she had done to him twice already. Ending their relationship in the first place and afterwards pleading to come back. She knew that breaking up was nothing Jack would have ever wanted but she felt betrayed and played by him as she found out that he pretended to have a good time in France. Yet, after some time of rethinking she came to the conclusion that he tried hard to keep up with her. He came to France for her and he didn't want to disappoint her. So he chose to keep the discomfort to himself. Lisa hated dishonesty. She hated that he wouldn't talk to her openly. But now she knew better. He had done it for her. He never wanted them apart.  
And now?  
Now she tried to backpedal which was the reason for his heart attack.  
She was a terrible person.  
Maybe it was right to not see him.  
What should they talk about? What should she say to him?  
'Sorry for causing you a heart attack.'?  
There were no words that would express how sorry she felt. Her heart was guilt-laden and she had absolutely no idea how to make up for that mistake. So what the hell should she tell him? There was nothing to say because there was no way how to apologize for something like this. She should have known better.  
The only thing she ever wanted was to spend more time with him. That's all. Their time in France felt so good. They were closer to each other than ever before.  
Paris – la ville de l'amour - city of love.  
Lisa had always laughed about that poor characterization of the place but it was true. Paris turned out to be the place where they found love in a much different way. Even at her house in Toulon. They finally had time for themselves and they used it. Intensely. She'd been loved by him like never before and she enjoyed it with all her heart. Getting to know that kind of Jack Bartlett was interesting and exciting and probably something that she would never experience again. Not like this. Their relationship was at its best. Before everything broke apart. Before she felt betrayed and used by the revelation of how he really felt about that France trip. It made her wonder if he enjoyed her company after all. She wanted more of him but he couldn't give her that. Not in France. Obviously it was too much to ask for.  
During their time apart Lisa thought a lot about all of that. After all this time she came to the conclusion that her hopes were too high for him. She had great expectations on him and that wasn't fair. Jack was set in his way and it was hard for him to deal with change. France was too much of a change. He couldn't do it. He couldn't follow her there. She understood now and it made her feel bad. Bad that she wasn't able to accept it and that she took it as the reason to end what they shared. It was a stupid thing to do.  
She tried to fix the mistake.  
And she ruined it.  
A sigh escaped her mouth as her eyes moved upwards to check the time on the kitchen clock. It was half past three in the morning. She should at least try to get some sleep. With that terrible flight, the jet lag and everything that happened so far her body should be exhausted by now. Maybe falling asleep would be much easier than she thought. At least try.  
With an even heavier sigh Lisa got up, poured the untouched content of the mug into the sink and left the kitchen without looking at the letter one more time. After switching of the lights her feet carried her safely through the well known hallways of the house. She didn't bother to see the bathroom first but walked straight into her bedroom and turned on the bedside lamp. Since the lost luggage still didn't arrive yet, Lisa checked her closet for a pair of pajamas. Her eyes were heavy and her head hurt from all the thinking. It wasn't that easy to concentrate anymore. When she finally found what she was looking for and pulled the fabric out from between other clothes something fell to the ground to her feet. With a frown on her face Lisa looked at it before realizing that it was one of Jack's shirts that he once forgot at her place. Well, he kinda forgot.  
It was really rare that he would come over here at all but Lisa remembered that time. She was the one who wore it in the morning while padding into the kitchen to make some fresh coffee for herself and the man that was still laying in her bed. It was quite uncommon for Jack to sleep in that long, so Lisa took the chance to surprise him with some coffee in her bedroom. While wearing this very shirt.  
He once left two or three at her place just in case but the others must be back at Heartland since this was the only one that had been hiding in her closet over the time.  
Without another thought Lisa put the pajama back and used Jack's shirt instead. Yes, it might have felt weird to do so on any other day but not tonight. Not after nearly loosing him for sure.  
She needed this right now. She needed him right now. She had no right to see him or to talk to him or to feel him but she needed to know that he was still with her. After all what happened.  
I need to see him, was the last thought that was running through her mind before finally drifting into sleep.

(Thankful for all your reviews!)


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

And so the tests began.  
Checkups.  
X-rays.  
Electrocardiography.  
Echocardiography.  
Stent-implantation.  
And so on. And so on.  
People around him.  
All the time.  
Talking to him.  
Touching him.  
Moving him.  
From A to B.  
From B to C.  
From C to...  
He felt like a puppet.  
Not allowed to act for himself.  
Not allowed to walk away.  
He should have stayed where he was.  
Somewhere in the deep dark.  
Unconscious.  
Not in this world.  
It was calmer there.  
Nobody cared.  
Or he didn't care who cared.  
He was alone there.  
No one.  
Not even all this pain he felt currently.  
Just him and the good memories.  
Him and her.  
He was happier with her by his side.  
Life was happier.  
Life was valuable.  
Life was worth living.  
Now it was none of that.  
There were too many people.  
Around him.  
But she wasn't there.  
He wished she was here.  
With him.

They said he was lucky. Very lucky. He could have been dead. The time between the heart attack and that someone found him was quite long. And cold.  
He could have been dead. And his heart could have been more damaged than it actually was. He was lucky and his heart strong.  
Yeah, what a lucky man he was...  
This heart attack should have never happened.  
-

It was already late afternoon when the tests were finished for the day and the nurse moved him from the ICU to a normal room. It was a two-bed room but the other bed wasn't occupied yet which was a great relief for Jack. He just wanted to be alone right now.  
The day was awful and stressful. Too many people had their hands everywhere on him. Jack had always felt uncomfortable when people came too close. His private space was pretty big and he appreciated it a lot when people just stayed out of it. Most people. Not all of them, but most.  
He also didn't like that he was being watched nearly every minute. Computers and monitors controlled every breath he took and every beat his heart made. At least it was working. There was still a faint pain in his chest and his left arm but the doctor said that it should cease over the days. Yes, over the days. How long were they planning to keep him here? Jack asked that question several times always hoping that at least one of the nurses would tell him that he could go back home now. But no. All they told him was that it could take up to three weeks before they would dismiss him. Jack stopped asking then. It made him angry. Three damn weeks. He really hoped that he was not one of those poor cases that would have to stay for three weeks. There were more tests they needed to run to find out what his heart was still capable of. Well, Jack wished that he was at least strong enough to escape the building, but the dizziness and exhaustion kept him where he was. In that damn hospital, tied to that stupid bed.  
Outside the window the sun just disappeared behind the mountains that stood like an uneven wall in the very far distance. The leafless treetops were covered in snow. Jack wished he could go outside and feel the fresh air in his face and to fill his poor lungs with it. The hospital-like smell gave him a bad headache.  
Suddenly a knock on the door broke his reverie. Before Jack could say anything the door opened and Lou's face appeared from behind. When she saw him being awake her face lit up.  
"Hi Grandpa.", she opened the door all the way now and entered the room, behind her Peter and Katie who sat in his arms.  
"Hey Jack.", he greeted him.  
Jack put on a smile. He didn't mind them visiting, but he was just very tired and couldn't deal with any more people today.  
"How are you feeling today?", Lou asked and put a bouquet of colorful gerbera on his bedside table.  
Jack looked at it.  
Great, here came all the flowers and get well soon presents. Just get comfy in this damn hospital. We hope you have a wonderful time here.  
"Take them back." he said plainly, his eyes still on the bouquet. Lou paused for a moment to look at him. Unsure if he was serious.  
"Come on, Grandpa. Katie chose them for you.", she replied and finished to arrange the flowers with a certain accuracy until she was satisfied with her work.  
Jack wanted to say something but he knew better. They just cared. He wished they didn't. He wanted to be alone with his misery.  
"So, tell us. How was your day?", Lou tried a second time and moved two of the chairs that stood by the window closer to the bed. One for Peter and one for herself.  
Oh great, now they make themselves comfortable.  
Katie was still in Peters arms who had been looking at Jack with a smile on his lips since he entered the room. It was a fake smile. Jack could see it in his eyes that he was worried and shocked. He was shocked that something so terrible could happen to a Jack Bartlett who was always the strong one in the family. The one everyone could count on. The one everyone relied on. He was always around but not this time. It wouldn't have taken much for him to be dead right now.  
He was lucky.  
The doctors said.  
Maybe he should thank someone for finding him up at the field where it all happened. But who was that someone? Nobody had told him yet. Jack tried to remember if there was someone with him when he took Paint out for a ride. Lou was there. In the barn. She was crying and shouting at him why he and Tim would start fighting rather than pulling together in those hard times. She had a lot to deal with. With Georgie and her brother and Phoenix and she was fighting with Peter, too. Jack remembered all of that. He had enough time during the day to think about it. But he couldn't recall if someone was with him at the field. No, he was alone there. He was sure about that. So, who was that someone then?  
"Who found me?", he said as plainly as before and looked straight into Lou's eyes. Her smile faded away and so did Peter's. Their faces went from encouraging to an discomforting expression. Lou's lips moved for a second but she looked at Peter instead. Something made them feel really uncomfortable. Jack still waited for an answer but wondered about her hesitation. They acted as if it was the Prime Minister himself who found him face down and vulnerable at the field.  
His brow went up.  
Finally Lou turned back to him.  
"It was Amy. She found you.", Lou swallowed before carrying on, "We were down by the ranch to light up some fireworks for Georgie, when we noticed that none of us has seen you for quite a while."  
Peter kept nodding his head the whole time Lou was speaking. his hand restlessly stroking over Katie's hair.  
"Yeah, we were really worried. Your horse was missing, too."  
"We were looking for you everywhere and Amy found you up at the field.", Lou finished.  
Jack could tell by their acting that there was something they didn't tell him. He wanted to know.  
"And...?"  
"A-a-and...", Lou had a hard time to keep going and to finish his sentence.  
"Come on Lou. I can tell when you are trying to hide something from me.", Jack said with an annoyed tone in his voice. He had no time for those stupid games. Just say it.  
Again Lou looked at Peter. This time she was silently calling for help.  
"Eeeh- , it's not easy for her.", he said. "You must know Jack, finding you there lifeless in the snow, Amy is somewhat under shock."  
"Yes, she is. We all are really worried. Especially Amy and Georgie.", Lou added and her eyes moved down to her fingers that were fumbling with the edge of her coat.  
Well, Jack could tell that they were worried and that they were shocked, so was he. He felt sorry about that. But then again, was it his fault that it happened? He wished it wouldn't have come so far. He felt so old right now. Older than he actually was. Knowing that everything could end so suddenly made him feel anxious. Jack knew that he wasn't the youngest guy in the world anymore but he wasn't ready to go yet. There were still a lot of things to do for him. Especially on the ranch and with his family. He wasn't ready to bit the dust. There were the kids that he wanted to see grow up. There was Amy who needed his help at the barn and with the horses. There was Ty who needed his father-like advises. There was Tim who needed a good kick in the butt ever so often. There was the whole property that needed a strong and experienced hand fixing stuff. He couldn't leave yet. Who should do all those things? Nobody could and Jack knew that everyone worried about the exact same things.  
Jack had been staring at some point at the wall when Lou put her hand on his shoulder. She knew that he felt sorry.  
"Grandpa, we gonna be okay. It's more important that you get back on your feet quickly.", she said encouraging and smiling.  
Yeah, good idea. Let's start, if it wasn't for his exhausted body. He couldn't move anywhere today.  
"Too tired for that.", he said dryly.  
Lou nodded.  
"Of course. We should let you sleep. You day must have been exhausting."  
With that she got up from her chair. Peter jumped up as well, ready to leave. He felt uncomfortable in this situation.  
"Go and get some rest. I will talk with your doctor."  
After putting back the chairs and another squeeze on his shoulder the three of them left the room.  
The last thing Jack saw through his heavy eyelids was Katie who waved at him goodbye. Then sleep overcame him.

(Thx again for reading. Appraciate any reviews)


	7. Chapter 7

(Sorry that it took so long. Too busy and I found it quite hard to write that chapter. Dunno why. Could be better.)

Chapter 7

Heartland looked different.  
When Lisa drove down the all too familiar driveway towards the ranch house it felt as if something wasn't right.  
No, not like the last time when she found Jack. This time was different and so was Heartland. It wasn't anything particular. All the things were still at the same place. Maybe it was just the knowledge that she wouldn't meet Jack over here like she used to. His absence was already noticeable as soon as one took the turn onto Heartland's driveway. As if the spirit of the ranch was lost. Like a ghost town.  
Despite the time, the clock on the dashboard showed 2:46 pm, nobody seemed to be outside. It was quite uncommon. Heartland usually was a lively place. There were always people around. If it wasn't Amy who would be working with one of the horses, it was Ty or Caleb or even Mallory. But right now, as she approached the main square of the property, it was awfully deserted. Lisa couldn't even see any horses outside in the pens. Nevertheless, she kept going til the parking space by the fence. Lisa parked her car on the same spot that had always been free for her SUV when she and Jack were still together. Luckily Jack's truck and Peter's car parked further to the left.  
She turned off the engine and sat there for a moment in silence.  
There was a lot of going on in her head and she still hadn't processed the things that happened during the last couple days. The shock of finding Jack unconscious and hearing that he suffered a heart attack was profound. Especially because everyone seemed to try to keep her out of his life. She had called the Heartland house phone several times but nobody ever picked up. Lisa knew that she wasn't allowed to see Jack and it was useless to just drop by the hospital and try to sneak into his room because she had no idea if he was still on the ICU or not. The doctors and nurses would never let her in. Lou made sure about that. Lisa felt pretty isolated and it made her angry.  
She deserved better. She deserved to know. She had done a lot for the family and now she was treated like someone who had never played an important role. Maybe she had never been important. Maybe she was always seen as someone temporarily. Someone who was just a short story in Jack's life. Of course no one ever believed that their relationship would last. Of course not. Everyone knew better. As always. But no one knew how truly they loved each other. No one. Because everyone was so busy smiling at them.  
Lisa lost herself in these kind of thoughts. They were angry thoughts that originated from the overfatigue, restlessness and anxiety that were her true companions these days. If she just could find out if he was going to be alright. She needed to know how bad the heart attack was.  
That's why Lisa decided to drive over to Heartland. Again no one had picked up the phone, so she got into her car and this time she would insist on being informed of Jack's state. She had waited long enough now.  
Determined she got out her car and walked to the house.  
With a knock and a "Come in" from inside, she opened the door and entered, walking down the little hallway.  
Lou was standing at the kitchen table where a pile of washed clothes stood next to a laundry basket that she was filling up at this very moment. She looked up in surprise, eyebrows risen.  
"Lisa. Hi." She hadn't expected her coming at all.  
"Hi.", Lisa stepped into the room and for a split of a second it felt like coming home. She had missed all of that. The house. The smell. The warmth. The atmosphere. It had always had the most soothing effect on her. Now that she stood here in this kitchen again, after many months of separation, Lisa felt as if she could need a good hug. A welcoming hug because she was back. She wished that Jack would envelop her in his arms right now and make her feel safe.  
But he wasn't here.  
After finding back into reality Lisa noticed that even here the spirit was lost. He was missing.  
Lisa looked back at Lou who was still watching her.  
"I have been trying to call you more than once. Seems like no one is at home ever?", Lisa said and her voice sounded a bit sharp. Lou noticed.  
"Yeah, sorry. We are really busy over here.", she answered, hinting to Jack's absence and now that she mentioned it, Lisa took a moment to look around. The house was a mess. There were many things laying around. Katie's toys were spread all over the floor, there were several shoes laying around, a backpack and paperwork on one of the kitchen chairs, the sink full of uncleaned dishes, a couple of trash bags that were ready to be taken outside stood forgotten next to the desk chair, bags of unpacked groceries on the cupboard and even more clothes and toys in the living room.  
Lisa knew that Lou was always busy keeping the house clean but obviously there was just no time for that recently. She felt sorry for them and as always she wanted to help. But there were a few things that needed to be talked about first.  
"I just came by to ask about Jack. How is he doing?", her voice was faintly shaking because Lisa had been so desperate to know for days.  
"He is doing okay. Well, grumpy as always. You know him.", Lou summed up and kept distracting herself while folding the clothes that were laying on the table.  
Yes, of course Jack must be grumpy. He hated hospitals and he hated that people took care of him. Strange people. Jack must be very grumpy. If she could just ease some of his pain or at least keep him company.  
"Any chance that I can see him?", Lisa asked carefully, trying not push Lou too much but all the young woman did was swallowing. She knew that this question would have come sooner or later. Her eyes looked at Lisa with a somewhat regretful expression. Lisa knew what that look meant but she still needed to ask.  
"You haven't told him yet, have you?"  
Lou shook her head slightly.  
"This is not fair Lou.", she was almost crying now ,"I need to see him."  
How can she do that to her? Why didn't she tell him the truth? Jack had absolutely no idea that she was back. That she was in town and that she wanted to see and talk to him. He didn't even know that it was her who found him. That memory was a heavy burden on her shoulder that she needed to get rid of. She had to talk about it with someone.  
"Yeah, but what if he doesn't want to see you?" those words were spoken so bluntly that it felt like a fist which landed painfully in Lisa's stomach.  
How could she say that? How could she even think that? But what if she was right? Lisa hadn't thought about that since that night. What IF he didn't want to see her?  
"He has never talked about you since your break up. We don't have any idea how he feels about you. Don't get me wrong, Lisa. We appreciate your concern, but he is not stable enough to deal with...this.", she explains the reason why she was trying to keep her away from him but what she really meant was 'to deal with her'. Alright. Lisa got it. She wasn't welcomed here. Had she ever been?  
She wanted to respond something when suddenly the door was yanked open and in came Tim. He brought a cold breeze along that swirled through the kitchen.  
"Lou!", he called still in the hallway, taking off his hat. When he saw Lisa his brow went up in surprise.  
"Oh, hey Lisa. Good to see you.", he said and pulled her into a brief hug with one arm. He had done that before and it had always been okay for her, but this time it felt false and somewhat inappropriate. Lisa sensed that her visit made everyone feel uncomfortable, even Tim's hug somehow told her that it was time to leave.  
"Tim.", she greeted but he wasn't even paying attention as he walked to the kitchen counter looking for some leftovers of coffee.  
"Where is your sister?", he addressed Lou a bit annoyed as she rummaged the cabinets, trying to find a mug but the cabinets were empty.  
"I don't know dad. Last time I saw her she was outside at the barn with Ty." Lou was still roughly folding Katie's clean clothes and put them into the basket.  
Tim was now lifting one mug after the other that were laying in the sink, used and dirty. With a grunt he tried the dishwasher.  
"Lou!", he grumbled annoyed as he saw that even the machine hadn't been turned on yet and held a lot of dirty mugs as well.  
Lisa could feel the tension laying in the air. She should go, but couldn't find the right moment to bow out.  
"Yes, sorry! I am on it." Lou snapped sharply. She put the clothes down and reached for the tabs under the sink when a second time the door was opened and Amy stepped in. Even she was surprised to see Lisa who was still standing in the kitchen, looking somewhat lost.  
"Lisa! How are you?", Amy welcomed her friendly and put one hand on her arm to greet her. Lisa tried to smile.  
"I was just about to lea-"  
"Ah here she is. Amy I told you to turn the horses out the barn. I am bringing up mine.", Tim interrupted her. Amy swirled around. Her face went from friendly to an annoyed expression.  
"And I told you that this is not happening. These are client's horses. It's getting too cold at night."  
"Well, someone", he pointed at himself, "needs to take care of at least something, right? And I need my horse for that. I also need your help with Jack's cows. I want them in the back field so they won't mingle with mine when I bring them up tomorrow."  
"Your cows? Why can't they stay at your place?"  
"Well, I want them here as long as I am staying."  
"Grandpa should be back soon.", Lou tossed in with an hopeful tone in her voice.  
"As long as he acts like an ill-behaved child he will stay where he is. He would just be a pain in the ass for everyone of us anyway."  
Okay, that was enough for Lisa. She couldn't hear one more thing. That place had never felt so strange to her before. It wasn't what it used to be. All the familiarity was gone. Jack's heart attack seemed to turn everything upside down and Lisa couldn't get rid of the feeling that nothing will ever be same. It scared her.  
While the family still debated loudly about the daily chores and responsibilities, Lisa turned around and left the house unnoticed. She really needed to get away from here. It was the first time ever that Lisa left the place because she couldn't bear to stay one second longer.


	8. Chapter 8

(I had to squeeze in a shorter chapter just because I wanted you to know that Lou has her reasons ;) )

Chapter 8

Life without grandpa turned out to be awfully busy. Not that Amy had already a lot of work with her client's horses, but now that Jack was at the hospital for almost a week already and her father caused a lot of trouble by failing to follow the old cowboy's footsteps, Amy had to take over most of her grandfather's chores as well. She was tired and she was exhausted. It would have been helpful if Tim wasn't putting everything upside down by always coming up with new ideas instead of just getting the work done. Amy knew that Jack would never approve how Tim was running the place and she was kind of afraid how he would react when coming back home. In fact the doctors said that he was allowed to leave the hospital in a couple days. That was good news, yet there were two things that still bothered Amy.  
First thing was that although the doctors send him home soon Jack was still not fit enough to take part in the Heartland life. He would need a lot of rest and that was something that worried Amy. None of the family members had enough time to take care of him. On top of everything else. Of course, he would never ask them to but to face facts: he would need someone to help him recovering.  
This brought her to the second thing that bothered Amy: Lisa. No, not Lisa herself but more that Lou was acting overprotective and trying to keep Lisa out of her grandfather's life. Amy didn't know why Lou was so serious about it and that was the reason why Amy dropped the work and made her way towards the house to talk to her sister about it. Trying to convince her that Lisa was the right one to help. Not only Jack but also the family who was working so hard to get everything done. With Lisa taking care of her grandfather it would be a huge help and Amy was sure that she wouldn't think about it twice to take on the job. To be honest, Amy got the impression that Lisa came back from France for a specific reason and it wasn't just coincidence that she was the one to find Jack that one day. She was on her way to Heartland probably to talk to him. Amy wondered what it was.  
Maybe spending some time together would give them a chance to figure things out.  
Once she was in the house, the smell of the cooking dinner met her nose and send a great appetite down to her stomach. Breakfast had been a long while ago and lunch – well, she skipped that one today due to the one buckskin that gave her quite a hard time. She should probably have just a little snack before dinner. As Amy made her way further into the kitchen she spotted Lou sitting at the desk working on her computer.  
"Hey Lou, do you have a minute?", Amy asked.  
"Yeah, sure. Let me just finish this real' quick.", Lou answered without looking up and kept concentrating on the work she was doing on her computer.  
Amy walked over to the kitchen counter and grabbed an apple from the fruit basket while waiting for her sister to turn around.  
"Alright. So what is it?", Lou said, shutting down the computer and turning on her chair. She looked just as tired and worn out as Amy did.  
"We have to talk about grandpa's return."  
Lou sighed. She knew that they would have to talk about it sooner or later.  
"We need someone to take care of him, Lou. We don't have any time to do this as well. As much as I would love to.", Amy told the truth flat out, gesticulating with the apple in her hand.  
"I know. But we cannot effort some nursing service to come out here every day."  
Amy looked at her sister somewhat amused. She had never spent one thought about that.  
"A nursing service? Lou, grandpa will probably kill us if we put him onto a nurse.", Amy laughed and Lou joined in as soon as she realized how absurd this idea was.  
"Of course.", Lou giggled and her hand moved through her brown hair. Amy decided that it was time to address the topic that Lou had been avoiding the whole time.  
"You know that we could use Lisa's help, don't you?"  
Lou sighed again. Yes, she knew but it wasn't that easy.  
"Amy...", she started and her sister noticed that tone that resonated in her voice every time she talked to Lisa about Jack. It was that overprotective tone that would never give in.  
"No Lou! Stop being so crazy about it! I absolutely do not understand why you are acting so weird. What happened? Why are you keeping her away?", the threat of her patience was short, Amy had no strength to beat around the bush.  
A third time Lou sighed and now she stood up to walk closer to her sister. Her expression showing that she was about to reveal something she kept for herself the entire time.  
"Amy, you have to promise not to tell anyone. Especially grandpa.", she almost whispered. Amy raised an eyebrow.  
"Yeah, okay. I promise.", her voice dropping as well.  
"On the day when it happened, you know...the thing-"  
"The heart attack."  
"Yes. That. There was a letter."  
"What letter?"  
"I saw it when I flicked through the mail that I picked up from the mail box. It was from Lisa.", she finally said. This time Amy's brow furrowed not understanding where Lou was getting at, so she waited for her to continue.  
"It was addressed to grandpa. I am pretty sure that whatever she wrote, it caused his ...heat attack."  
It was the first time that Amy heard Lou talking about it. She had always been wondering what the reason might have been but then she remembered that life had been going up and down the hills for the last months. For her grandfather as well who seemed to suffer silently under the break up with Lisa. Amy didn't know what exactly had driven them apart, why she came back when Lou's and Peter's farm burnt down and why she disappeared off the face of the earth right after it. Her grandfather never talked about it and nobody ever dared to ask him. To be honest, it was quite sad that no one of the family really cared about it or about Jack, Everyone was so busy with their own lives. Amy just realized that. It made her feel bad.  
"What makes you believe that?", she asked, trying to persuade herself that the letter probably had nothing to do with it.  
"Later that day when I dropped in the barn I met grandpa holding it and shortly after it it happened." Amy had nothing else to say. Maybe she was right. Maybe no one of them ever realized how hard it was for grandpa to see Lisa leaving him and to live without her.  
"So, do you understand now why I am trying to keep her away? I am just afraid...that it will happen again.", her voice was shaky now. Whether it was because of Jack's state or the exhaustion, Amy couldn't tell but she finally started to understand her sisters reasons now and she was scared that she might be right about it.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

" _Hey stranger.", it came from behind as he was just about to put on his winter coat. It made him pause in his movements. Like frozen he stood there next to the bed, facing the window, one arm already stuck into the sleeve of his coat.  
Those words.  
This voice.  
Both of them he hadn't heard for quite some time.  
Yet, they didn't fit. They didn't fit together. There was something wrong with those words and this voice, but what was it?  
Jack spun around to see who was standing there on the threshold of his hospital room.  
"Val!", it rumbled over his lips, surprised to see his long-term friend standing there. He hadn't expected her at all. It was quite awhile ago that he had seen her last.  
Her wide grin met his puzzled eyes. He didn't know what to make of this unexpected visitor.  
"Oh don't you just stand there with your mouth wide open old man.", she said in her typical playful way and walked over to pull him into a hug.  
Still surprised and confused he put his arms around her. It was one thing seeing her, but hearing those greeting words was another. It reminded him of something. Something he had been pondering about since he woke up from his unconsciousness.  
'Hey stranger'. Where had he heard that before? Who had called him like this? When? Besides all the things that happened before and after his heart attack he managed to remember there was still one thing missing. One missing piece of the puzzle. It was linked to these words, but what was it?  
His coat still hung on one arm that was already put into the sleeve when Val loosened her grip and let him go while looking at him with a wide smile.  
"I must say you really scared me when I heard what happened." she started to rebuke him.  
Jack smiled apologetically and carried on to put on his coat. He was planning to go outside and get some fresh air, hoping that it would cease some of the bad mood he carried around every day.  
"What are you doing here, Val? Aren't you supposed to be in Florida?", he asked, still not sure how to deal with her appearance.  
"Oh come on. Can't an old friend come by and pay you a visit?", she hit him playfully against his shoulder. Again. This gesture. It reminded him of someone. Someone who did the same. The playful pat.  
Jack's brow furrowed while trying to remember what all these things wanted to tell him.  
When he shut his coat and instinctively put his hands into the pockets it struck him. He finally remembered.  
'Hey stranger' were the first words of the letter that he found in the mail that one day and the playful pat reminded him of Lisa who used to do it on him every now and then.  
His heartbeat quickened. His hands dug deeper into the pockets. Jack remembered that he put the letter into one of them before everything went black. He opened and read it in the barn office then Tim appeared and he shoveled the paper quickly into his coat, hiding it from his ex son-in-law's eyes. It was private territory. Very private.  
But now.  
It wasn't there anymore. Jack couldn't find it. Hastily he tried the inner pocket of his coat but it was empty as well.  
Val was watching him the entire time.  
"Jack, what are you looking for?", she asked almost laughing. He completely forgot that she was still standing there and stopped immediately.  
"Nothing.", he needed to change the topic quickly. "You want to join me for a little walk?"  
Jack actually wanted to be alone but on the other hand he didn't want to be impolite and it was thoughtful that Val came all the way from Florida to check on him. So he couldn't just send her away. Although he needed time to figure out what happened to the letter, they walked down the hallway towards the exit of the hospital to stroll through the little park that was covered in new snow that had fallen over night._

This happened two days ago. Two days in which Jack still didn't figure out where the letter was. The only plausible answer was that he lost it up at the field. It drove him crazy. He wanted to get there desperately and find it before somebody else would and even worse, read it. Or did someone already?  
Jack became anxious.  
This letter was for no one's eyes but his. Nobody needed to know what Lisa wrote to him. It was nobody's business. Jack had never been that kind of a man that needed the opinions and approval of others for the things that happened in his private life. He was mature enough to decide for himself. Talking with others about his relationship with Lisa was never an option for him. Not that he loved her or felt committed to their relationship but he knew what others thought about them. Jack wanted to keep Lisa away from people's opinions. So he seldom talked about it and assuming that somebody might have found the letter and read her heartfelt-written words was just unbearable for him.  
Besides those worries he was wondering if Lou or Amy had told her what happened.  
Val knew. Somehow.  
Did Lisa?  
Maybe she herself called to ask about him. He hadn't replied to her letter yet. Jack didn't like the idea of her knowing what happened. He didn't like that she might know that he suffered a heart attack. It made him feel even weaker and older than it already did. He also didn't like that she was probably worried about him. Lisa always tended to overreact to things. The heart attack was just such a thing that would blew her top. Maybe she already came back straight from France as soon as she heard about it. But then again, she hadn't payed him a visit once and Jack knew that it would have been the first thing she'd have done – driving to the hospital and making sure that he was going to be alright. So, probably nobody told her. It was kind of relieving. He didn't want her worrying and he didn't want her to see him like this. He didn't want her to feel sorry. The last thing he needed was a Lisa taking care of him. There were by far more useful things she had to do in her life.  
Yet, there still was this feeling.  
This feeling that responded to her words she had written onto the paper of the letter:  
"...because I miss you.".  
Jack felt exactly the same.  
He missed her.  
A lot.  
The memory of the mild summer night when they sat on the wooden bench on the porch, her body leaning against his side, one arm around her shoulder, her fingers playing with his thumb in his lap was still very vivid in his head. He told her straight from his heart how much he missed her every time she had to travel to France and it was true, he did miss her but now it was a different kind of missing. She wasn't just gone for a few weeks. She was gone and Jack had no idea if she was coming back. Ever. This kind of missing hurt much more. A future with her was uncertain. A pain that he didn't know how to overcome. Receiving her letter was the first hopeful glimpse in months. Something that lightened his heart in those dark times. She missed him and she asked if there was a chance of closing the gap that lay between them.  
Yes. Yes, there was!  
Yet, he wasn't able to reply to her.  
The stupid heart attack.  
And the lost letter.  
Maybe she came to the false conclusion that he didn't want her to come back. That he wasn't interested in their reunion.  
This thought frightened him and was the cause of his hesitation to put something onto the white sheet of paper that lay in front of him on the table.  
Jack was alone in his hospital room. He was dressed in his normal clothes. The coat and hat were laying on the packed duffle bag which stood on the bed. Today was the day of his dismissal. After ten days he was finally allowed to go back home. Although Jack had waited for this day since he regained consciousness, he wasn't quite sure if he was ready to face the daily life of home. Of course, he would never say anything about it, but he was still not feeling that healthy to cope with Heartland's busy lifestyle. Most of the time he felt weak, tired and drained. Having the room for himself the entire time was a privilege. Despite the daily tests he got a lot of time for himself, not dealing with anyone except for the nurses and the few visitors. Home would be much more noisy and lively. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to return but Jack kept his mouth shut about it. He hated hospitals.  
Lou was going to pick him up every minute and he wanted to finish this letter before she arrived. Unfortunately, he hadn't managed to find a start yet. Even writing Lisa's name on top of the paper was hard.  
Jack had been sitting like this for over an hour now. Staring out the window and racking his brain on how to put into words what he felt. It was simple but yet very hard. Jack had never been a good or emotional writer. He was always amazed how Lyndy was always able to find the right words for her songs. She was one gifted woman. He had none of that gift.  
A soft knock on the door broke his reverie before it opened and the noises on the hallway swept into his room, followed by Lou.  
"Hi grandpa. Are you ready?", she asked friendly and walked over to the bed to take his personal belongings.  
"I already talked to your doctor. So we can just leave."  
He turned around quickly to greet her.  
"Yes, I will be out in a minute."  
Lou frowned at him but didn't ask further and left the room to wait for him outside.  
There was no more time to keep pondering on what to write. While getting up from his chair he hastily scribbled the only thing he could think of:  
'Miss you too.'  
With that he folded the paper, put it into his pocket, checked the room and left to meet Lou waiting outside in the hallway.  
Side by side they made their way out the hospital and to her car that was waiting to carry them across the streets towards home.


	10. Chapter 10

(Thank you for all your reviews so far. they help me to carry on although daily life is really busy.  
In one or the other chapter I will start to use a few known Jisa-HL scenes. So: I don't own anything that was shown or spoken in any of those episodes. It just helps me to put this story together.)

Chapter 10

The landscaped looked the same.  
Well, everything was covered in white fluffy snow but basically everything was just the same.  
That was good.  
Jack liked that at least something hasn't changed, although it felt like his whole life had turned upside down since the heart attack. He didn't feel the same anymore. He felt older and fragile.  
His body felt unfamiliar to him. Looking down at those pale and hospital-clean hands was like looking at the hands of a dead body. The first thing he needed to do when coming back home was to get at least some dirt on his hands. He wanted to feel the earth, the dust, the straw and hay, the hair of the horses and the wet noses of his cows beneath his fingers. He needed to feel his muscles working when lifting a saddle or the pitchfork. He wanted to feel the cold fresh air blowing in his face while riding across his property and filling his lungs with new life. He was longing to feel more like Jack Bartlett again. The hospital stay had changed him in a way he didn't like at all and it was time to turn back into the person he used to be.  
Lou's car turned on the next intersection. They hadn't talked a lot during the drive. The atmosphere was awkward and Jack sensed that the heart attack hadn't only changed him but also the family. They weren't home yet, but he knew it. He knew what to expect and he couldn't blame them. He blamed himself. He hated himself for what happened and what it did to them. To his family. Maybe it was the wrong time to return home.  
Jack kept his eyes on the street, unable to look at Lou who seemed very tired and exhausted herself. She talked with Peter on the phone once, checking if Katie was napping alright and if Georgie had finished her homework before taking Phoenix out for a ride with Amy. During one of their visits they had told him that Georgie's brother agreed that it was not such a good idea to take Georgie with him. The little girl was staying at Heartland and that was something that caused a great relief in Jack. He liked that girl. She was more to him. Like someone who belonged to the family and he knew that Georgie felt the same. After going back and forth and from family to family she wanted to finally come home to a place where she could settle down. Georgie chose Heartland and Heartland chose her. Jack knew that from the beginning which was the reason why he stood up for that young stranger girl. Luckily Lou seemed to feel the same way about her and supported her grandfather in his plans to keep the girl at Heartland.  
He was grateful to own a place that felt like home to so many people. That people liked to come there. It wasn't just Lou who returned from New York after her mother's death, even for Ty and Mallory Heartland was home. For Lisa, too. To some extent. She had always been the one who was up and about and traveling over the whole planet, her feet never standing still. Yet, she loved to spend her time at his place. Maybe she wouldn't call it home just yet but it had given her a feeling of what a home felt like. A home and a family. Jack knew that she was a family person behind her mask of a committed business woman and he wanted her to become part of his family. But somehow everything went down a completely different road than he had planed. He never wanted her to leave. He never wanted them breaking up. He still loved her when she sat at his kitchen table telling him that they should take a break and he still loved her when she left after helping out when Lou and Peter's place burnt down. And he still loved her now. After a few months of separation. He wasn't completely sure but something told him that she as well never stopped loving him. Yet, they were apart. Jack didn't know what exactly had moved between them which made him uncertain about how to fix it. If she wants to come back to close the gap between them then he should be more prepared, shouldn't he? For that he needed to understand what drove them apart in the first place.  
Jack's thoughts moved back to the conversation they had after their argument up at the field when something in the distance caught his eye. No, it wasn't as if it was very conspicuous but his eyes automatically landed on the object that came closer with every meter the car drove down the road. Jack knew this corner as well as he knew all the way from the hospital to Heartland. It was the corner where several mailboxes stood that belonged to the the many ranchers around here. Next to the them parked an all too familiar Porsche of an anthracite color. Its owner stood by the mailboxes looking through the letters she held in her hand.  
Lisa.  
Although he couldn't see her face, he knew that it was her.  
It was her.  
She was here.  
Back from France and right there. On his way back home. This couldn't be coincidence. This was destiny itself. He needed to grab the chance. Maybe it was his last one.  
"Lou. Stop the car.", he demanded and watched as they approached what he was aiming at. Lou hadn't noticed yet.  
"What? Why?" She followed his glance and saw the reason for his sudden excitement. Lou didn't like what she saw. It was the last thing she could use right now. Her grandfather and Lisa meeting right here. In the middle of like nowhere. And all of this after she tried so hard to keep her grandfather safe.  
"Er, no lets just go home. Katie is goi-"  
"STOP THE CAR. NOW!", he bellowed at her angrily, his eyes never leaving the woman that still hadn't noticed them yet.  
With a convulsed face Lou slowed down and came to a halt behind the Porsche. This caught Lisa's attention and she finally looked up. Her face slowly changing into a staggered expression as she started to recognize them.  
Jack reached for the handle of the car, pushing the door open, when Lou's hand landed on his arm, trying to hold him back.  
"Grandpa, it's too cold. Let's go ho-", but he didn't listen to her, freed himself from her viselike grip and got out of the car. His eyes interlocked immediately with Lisa's. The ice-blue sparkle send a shiver down his spine and forgotten was all the pain and all the worries of the last few days. His heart lit up and lightness spread through his body making him feel complete again. All of this happened so suddenly that it left him nearly speechless.  
"Hi Lisa.", was the only thing he could say. Her sudden appearance and well-known beauty took his breath away. Her hair was dyed in a dark brown color now which suited her well but let her appear a bit less lively. In fact she seemed somewhat crestfallen and it made him wonder what caused it. She used to be the spark in the darkness but now it was like darkness had taken her all in. Nevertheless, her lovely features were still remarkable and reminded him of what he had lost. Her. His sparkle in the darkness.  
"Hi.", was her only response, her voice sweet as honey yet quiet and cautious. Lisa managed a smile, enchained by his stare.  
Her breathing faltered.  
He noticed.  
She did that. She did that whenever she was unconfident and uncertain about something. Or when she couldn't handle all the emotions that were rumbling through her body. He used to help her in such moments, trying to bring her back on safe ground.  
"I thought you were in France." Jack tried to relax the thickening atmosphere between them but bringing up France was probably not such a good idea.  
The opening of the car door behind him as Lou got out as well didn't distract him. Yet Lisa cringed a bit and her eyes switched between him and the young woman that walked up to them with a determined expression.  
"I was, I was. Well, I am here now.". A nervous laugh escaped her mouth.  
"I see that." His hands wandered into the pockets of his jeans. "How long have you been here?"  
"Ehh, a few days. A week I guess? A bit more than a week.", she shrugged and looked at Lou again who had been standing behind her grandfather but stepped up next to him now.  
"Grandpa. It's too cold for you out here. C'mon." His coat hung above her arm as she pulled gently on his shoulder towards the car.  
Lisa could tell that it wasn't just an uncomfortable situation for Jack and her but Lou as well. She had a hard time dealing with the fact that they unexpectedly bumped into each other, after she had managed to keep Lisa away for the entire time. It made Lisa angry again. Angry that not even now Lou was giving them some time and space but still tried to end the encounter. They needed the talk but how was this going to happen when there was no chance for it? Lisa knew that this wasn't the right time nor the right place to start fighting. Jack didn't look too well. He needed rest instead of two women arguing. So she chose to back out. It was better this way.  
"Don't worry Lou. I was already on my way." Her voice suddenly so cold and distant, her eyes sending out the same.  
Before heading back to her car, she turned to Jack one more time, for a brief moment hesitating as their eyes melted together for yet another time.  
"It was very nice seeing you again, Jack."  
Despite the timid smile, he noticed the crack in her voice and believed to see tears glimmering in her eyes. Then she turned on her heels and walked off.  
"Lis-"  
But it was too late. She was already in her car, starting the engine and driving off, down the road. The Porsche vanishing behind the next corner.  
What was that?  
What did just happen?  
Why did she leave like this?  
What had he done wrong?  
"Grandpa, let's go now.", Lou interrupted his thoughts and this time guided him back to the car. As she pulled at his arm and his hand slipped out his pocket, the folded sheet of paper that had been hiding there fell to the ground.  
Jack noticed from the corner of his eye and stopped to bend down and pick it up.  
Of course. The unfinished letter he started at the hospital.  
It was a sign.  
A sign that this chance wasn't over yet. They just needed to give it another try. Jack wanted to and he hoped that Lisa did, too.  
"Do you have a pen?", he asked his granddaughter who already sat in her car again, ready to go home.  
"What? Er, yeah.", she rummaged through her purse and gave him one.  
Quickly he wrote a note on the paper, before Lou could ask any more questions.

 _Sunday, 4 pm?  
-Jack_

Without another thought, he walked back and put it into Lisa's mailbox.  
He could've called her when they arrived home, but after that encounter, Jack wasn't quite sure how she felt about him. He didn't want to push her but give her enough time to think about meeting him once more.  
While still standing by the mailboxes, Jack suddenly felt the nausea rising in his stomach. All of this just had been too much for him. With shaky legs he made his way back to the car where he eased himself heavily onto the seat, leaning his head against the headrest and closing his eyes.  
Lou looked at him with a worried expression.  
"Grandpa-"  
"Let's just go home", he returned, not open for any more discussions.


	11. Chapter 11

(I am so so so sorry for this late update. It was so hard writing this chapter while my head is feeling so empty and the days got busier and busier. I am really not happy about that chapter but there is not much I can do about it right now. I just want to carry on with the story and somehow overcome the emptiness in my head haha. Hope you enjoy reading anyway.)

Chapter 11

Alright, here she was. But where was everybody else? Where was Jack?  
She had called him when she entered the house, knocked on his bedroom door and even took a careful yet worried glance into it, but he literally wasn't here. His bed was empty and the bedding lay on it as if he had just left a few minutes ago.  
Looking into that room was like looking back in time. Lisa was probably the only one besides Jack who had entered that room in the last years. It became a private space for just a two of them. In a crowded house of three generations it was hard to find any private space or time. So sometimes they just preferred his bedroom to escape the busy life that was rushing through the house.  
But right now, Lisa stood in the messy kitchen of Heartland's ranch house, checking the clock above the sink. The jacket and scarf were still wrapped around her body,  
4:05.  
 _Sunday, 4 pm._ That's what the note said that she had retrieved from her mailbox and she was holding in her hand right now. It was a surprise. She hadn't expected it. Not at all. And she hadn't expected what was inside of the paper as she unfolded it.  
Jack's handwriting,  
 _'Miss you, too.'_  
No more. No less.  
It was an answer to her letter that she was still carrying around in her jacket. Day by day. Why?  
She didn't know.  
She wasn't exactly sure if Jack should know the truth. That it was her who found him and that she was in possession of the letter.  
Maybe he wanted to talk about it today. About the letter of course. About that other thing – he had no idea. Lou made sure about that. Perhaps it was better that way because Lisa had no clue at all how to address this topic to him, although she was dying to get it off her shoulders. The picture, the moment still very vivid in her head. It was a very heavy burden to carry but Jack wasn't the right one to load it upon. Not now anyway.  
It was already challenging to find out where both of their paths would lead them to. After their break up. After her letter. After his heart attack. Many things have changed and it wouldn't be easy to deal with them. So, one thing less to cope with was probably a good thing. Lisa would put up with it herself. Like she had done for the last two weeks since _it_ happened.  
Lisa sighed and pushed that picture of him laying pale, cold and motionless in her lap back into the background of her head. There was no time for that now.  
The clock above the sink showed 4:10 now and she was still alone in the house.  
Her look wandered through the room. It told a lot about the family's current situation as it was as messy as the last time she had been here. Jack's return hadn't changed anything. Of course not. He looked terrible when they met on the street a couple days ago. He was probably not able to do anything but rest which kind of made her wonder where he was right now. Fear started to spread through her body as she imagined him laying unconscious somewhere again.  
But no.  
She needed to stop worrying.  
With a tight heart Lisa took off her coat and scarf and started to get busy with picking up Katie's toys as she collected them in a basket that stood on the dinner table in the living room.  
Cleaning the house was really the best idea she could have come up with. It helped to drag her thoughts into a different direction and it made her feel useful. Finally. The entire last two weeks had felt like one pointless bunch of time. Lisa knew that she should have been somewhere important. Either at the hospital helping Jack to make his stay there somewhat easier or at Heartland to support the family and help out with everything that came crushing down onto them. But neither of these places she was allowed to be or welcomed.  
Lost in thoughts she let hot water into the sink and started to do the pile of dishes.  
Forgetting the time that was ticking away.

"Lisa! Hi."  
A familiar male voice ripped her out of her thoughts. Startled she looked up from her work, seeing Jack standing in the hallway. She didn't even hear him coming in. Relief washed over her. He was alight. Well, according to the circumstances.  
He took off his hat as he walked into the kitchen and looked at the clock, realizing that Sunday, 4 o'clock passed almost an hour ago. His eyes moved back to her as he was trying to figure out if she was mad at him for letting her wait so long, but Lisa just set aside the clean plates that she dried with the dish towel and looked up. Smiling.  
"Hi.", she said.  
It was an awkward moment with him meeting her in the kitchen like that. It had been quite awhile ago since they had been together in this house and it usually was her meeting him than the other way around. Seeing her right there by the table it was as if nothing had changed. If it wasn't for that strange feeling that forged between them like a heavy cloud on a nice summers day.  
When Jack looked around, he noticed that the room was much tidier now than the last days. All the dishes in the sink were gone, the sauce pans and food leftovers on the stove as well. The clothes on the table were neatly folded onto a pile, books and magazines were put aside.  
Lisa noticed his glance and felt like explaining herself.  
"Sorry, I was just trying to be useful while waiting." her hand waved through the room as she tried to change the topic that lay unspoken between them.  
"I'm...It's...You are not the one who has to apologize.", he stuttered with a raspy voice. "I totally forgot the time while being out ...", he admitted, his hand fiddling with the brim of his hat.  
"You shouldn't be out there all by yourself.", Lisa figured what he wasn't telling her. She knew him better than he thought. Of course Jack would walk around alone. Especially after that hospital stay and the crowed messy house over here which probably caused his desperate need to be for himself. Jack wasn't a man who liked to spend a lot of time inside. He was a man of nature and hard work. It was his life and it kept him physically fit. Not many men of his age were still able to all the work he used to do. Numbers didn't define his age, but the daily work he had to do did. Yet, right now Lisa wasn't sure if it still was the case. He looked bad. Pale and gaunt, tired and worn out.  
"What are you getting at, Lisa?", he stepped a bit closer now. It was time to find out if she knew what happened to him.  
"I...I...nothing. I'm just worried. That's all."  
"Worried about what?", he kept pushing.  
"About you, Jack."  
They looked at each other in silence once again. The unspoken things rising up once again. Neither of them knew how to make a start on what they needed to talk about.  
Unexpectedly the door opened and broke the silence.  
"Grandpa?" Lou's voice echoed through the house before she walked around the corner and froze. In her arms a pair of grocery bags. Peter who carried another bag and Katie walked up behind her. The girl was put into many layers of clothing which made her look like a sweet little and pink colored marshmallow. Lisa hadn't seen her goddaughter for a very long time and was amazed how much she had grown in the meantime.  
"Hey Lisa. Good to see you.", Peter started and carried his daughter towards her as he noticed her godmother's smile. But Lou stepped in his way, not only to set down the bags onto the table but also to stop him from going any further.  
"What is going on in here?" Her eyes switching from Jack to Lisa, not sure what to make of the current situation. No one dared to speak up and explain.  
"And what is all this", she waved through the now nearly tidy and clean kitchen, her face turning into one big frown that didn't look happy at all. Lisa's smile faded. With her standing in the kitchen, still holding on to the dish towel it wasn't hard for Lou to count one and one together. She knew and Lisa knew that she had gone too far.  
"Lou-", Jack started, sensing that his granddaughter started to overreact.  
"I didn't ask you for this.", she turned to Lisa now, her eyes narrow. Lou didn't like that she wasn't able to prevent that her grandfather and Lisa met so soon again after that encounter at the mailboxes and she didn't like that Lisa interfered into the family's affairs.  
Into her affairs.  
Yes, help was needed. Desperately, because Lou could hardly keep up with all the stuff that piled up every day but she didn't want Lisa to spend any time here. Not really because of the household but because of her grandfather. It was difficult enough to care for him besides everything else. He wasn't the easiest patient to deal with. Despite his unstable health status he kept refusing to stay inside and rest. And he urgently needed the rest. If Lisa was here it meant that they would discuss their whatever-relationship and this was exactly the thing Lou was so worried about. Their break up a few months ago caused enough trouble within her grandfather's life. Not to mention a certain letter two weeks ago. What if discussing their stuff was just too much for him right now. What if he couldn't deal with what Lisa had to say. Lou plainly couldn't let this happen. Everyone relied on the old cowboy. Heartland needed him to stay alive. They needed him back safe and sound and not with another heart attack in the hospital. It was too dangerous.  
"I am sorry. I was just trying to help." Lisa was a bit taken back by Lou's serious reaction. She hadn't thought that helping with the household duties was as bad as wanting to see Jack at the hospital. But obviously it wasn't about him. It clearly seemed to be about her. Lou didn't want her here. Why? What had she done wrong?  
"We don't need your help Lisa."  
"Honey.", Peter put a hand on her arm but she shook it off.  
Alright, here it was, The moment Lisa tried to avoid two days ago on the street. Two women who were fighting. Well, she herself wasn't fighting yet and she wouldn't although she felt really hurt by the harsh words. Yet, Jack's alarmed face told her that it was not a good idea to encounter his granddaughter in this. She backed off. Again. For him.  
Without another word, Lisa rushed through the kitchen and out of the house, tears burning in her eyes.  
Jack reached out for her but missed as she moved too fast past him. His mouth stood open, ready to say something but the moment left him speechless. This meeting had gone completely wrong. It had been quite a while ago since the last time he felt so disappointed about Lou. He knew that she and Lisa hadn't always been on the same page but what just happened was not fair.  
"... I don't even know what to say right now.", he said while shaking his had in total disbelief and followed Lisa out the door.

She felt so torn between Jack and the rest of the family. Torn and bad. Shouldn't she be fighting for him? Shouldn't she fight that she could stay with him and at least help him through all of this? If Lou didn't want her help then she had to accept it but maybe Jack needed her. Almost at the car Lisa was hesitating for a brief moment but decided to leave. Fighting for him would mean to fight against Lou and this was surely the point which wouldn't benefit Jack's recover at all. This place drove her mad. What happened to that once beautiful family? Why seemed everything to be against her? All she wanted was to help, to be there for them.  
"Lisa! Wait!", Jack ran down the stairs of the porch after her but she kept going.  
Before she could reach her car, Jack's hand held her back on her arm and pulled her around.  
"Lisa." He couldn't let her go another time. His breathing was heavy.  
She looked hurt. Tears glimmered in her eyes like the last time he had seen her. It made him cringe.  
"I don't want you to go.", he explained as he tried to calm his racing heart.  
"Well, it is pretty obvious that I am not welcomed, don't you think?", she countered and pointed towards the house.  
"This is-", he didn't know what to say. "This is not true, Lis."  
"Really? How then do you explain-."  
"Hey guys." A voice from behind interrupted them and they spun around to see Tim approaching them. He carried a big package in his hands that showed an espresso maker on the surface of the cardboard .  
"Great to see you two back together.", he grinned mischievously.  
"What's that?" Jack asked and looked at the package with a deep frown on his forehead.  
"Hm? Oh, that. This is a brand new coffee machine which makes much more than just coffee. But more importantly it makes much better coffee than that damn old thing you have been using for the last three decades."  
"My coffee machine has been perfectly fine for _the last three decades_ and it will be for the next three.", he growled back at him.  
"Oh dear, how long are you planning to stay?", he joked in his usual tactless manner and carried on to walk over to the house.  
"Tim.", Lisa mumbled with a warning tone in her voice.  
"Don't you dare bringing this thing into my house!", Jack started to get really angry now. His patience was used up. He really had had enough. Especially from Tim who had caused so much trouble on his place while he was gone. First he wanted to leave and abandon his family yet another time and now he was taking advantage of Jack's health and tried to take over everything that was dear to him while ruining Heartland with his stupid ideas.  
With a furious glance he stepped up to him.  
"I am really done with you!", he ripped the package out of Tim's hand and hurled it onto the ground. The loud noise of breaking material resounded over the yard.  
Lisa winced and the next second she saw Jack grabbing Tim's collar, pulling him really close towards him, With two steps she hurried over.  
"Jack. Stop."  
The two men standing nose on nose.  
"So what now? Do you want to beat me up? Go ahead. It wouldn't be the first time, would it?", Tim teased.  
Yes, he would. He would like to if there wasn't the blur in front of his eyes. The blur that turned everything so light and grained. The things around him started to spin and made him feel dizzy. His grip loosened, his eyes blinked.  
"Jack", her worried voice miles away.  
Her touch on her arm cold and disconcerting.  
His legs gave way and he fell.  
Fell down.  
Down.  
Into the darkness.


	12. Chapter 12

(Thank you for your nice reviews.  
Next chapter. A bit shorter again)

Chapter 12

 _Lou wanted to fight? That's what she got. Lisa fought back. Loud and without giving Lou the slightest chance to defend herself. This time she wasn't been thrown out of the house. This time she won. And she stayed._

Jack had a mental breakdown the other day and it surely was not because of her. Everything that was currently going on at this place which he called home was too much for him. He couldn't deal with all the changes. Although Tim backed off a bit after the incident, he was still bringing a lot of trouble into the house by bossing the family around. Watching his home turning into something he had never wanted was the worst thing for him. In addition to that he must feel completely lost in his own body. Jack liked to work. Work hard. But in his condition not even light work was possible and everyone was making sure that he wouldn't lift a finger at all. Yet, no one seemed to understand that he felt caged in his own home and his own body. Nobody understood but Lisa. Not even Jack would admit it and talk about his feelings or needs. He stayed silent and distant most of the time refusing to participate in the family's life. It wasn't helpful. It tore the family even more apart.  
After his meltdown he regained consciousness pretty quickly and was led into the house by Tim and Lisa. Peter took over for her and walked him to his bedroom while Lisa and Lou fought a battle that would stay in their memories forever.  
But Lisa didn't care.  
She didn't care that Lou was avoiding her from that day on. It wasn't about her. It was about Jack only and his recover. She spent a lot of time at Heartland since then and did not only take care of Jack but also of most of the household. Lou never lost one word about her help. Lisa tried not to think about that. All the other family members seemed to be relieved that she was there and did what needed to be done. She was relieved too. Still, it was difficult if not to say exhausting for her to jump back and forth between Fairfield and Heartland. There was still a business to run at her place but luckily her staff was supportive and managed most of the things. Her head was overloaded with other thoughts anyway. Thoughts about Jack who withdrew into himself. He suffered a lot under his state and the circumstances. Sometimes Lisa didn't know if it was more the mental pain than the physical pain that turned him into such a human wreck. Seeing him like that ripped Lisa's heart into little pieces. The heart attack wasn't only destroying an once beautiful and strong man, it also destroyed everything they ever had. She had never felt so apart from him before although he was right there. Right there in front of her right now, laying on the couch in the living room, sleeping.  
It was shortly after midday and everybody else was out. In fact the others tried to stay out of the house as much as possible, nobody enjoyed the tense atmosphere that was hovering everywhere. After their lunch which they ate in awkward silence, Jack settled in and started to drift into sleep quickly while Lisa was putting more logs in the fireplace to keep it going.  
Katie's toys lay around all over the floor again. Lisa had looked after her this morning. Lou left very early for work and Peter was unexpectedly called to a meeting in Calgary. He felt uncomfortable to ask her since he knew that Lisa had enough on her plate already but there was no other choice. Lisa was fine with that. She spent too little time with her goddaughter anyway. Especially after that fight with Lou who made sure to keep Katie out of reach. Besides that the sweet girl distracted her from the usual worries about Jack who had been hiding in his room the entire morning.  
Now the evidence of their little play round was spread all over the carpet by the fireplace. Lisa would better clean this up before Lou got home. So, she grabbed the basket and silently collected puppets and stuffed animals, cautious not to wake Jack.  
On all four she reached for Zippy the clown who was laying on its back under the coffee table. When sitting up Lisa found herself right next to and at eye level with a faintly snoring Jack. Even in his sleep he looked so shattered. The dark shadows under his eyes didn't light up with the rest over the last few days and his cheeks seemed to be sunken and hollow even more than the day they met at the mailboxes. Lisa made sure to feed him properly but he didn't put on any weight. She was worried. Very worried but he wouldn't talk to her about it. She had driven and accompanied him to every single medical check up so far but the rides to and back from the hospital were always the same. Quiet.  
Several times already she had been asking him what else she could do so he would feel better. All he did was grunting to himself while turning around and leaving. He always did that and it made her mad. How was she supposed to help if he wouldn't let her anywhere near him? It was maddening and sad. Really sad. When she came back from France Lisa was hoping they would get back together but it went the completely opposite direction. They had never been so far from each other although they spent lot of time under the same roof.  
Looking at Jack right now, so close to her, Lisa couldn't help but carefully place a hand on his chest. It was the first tender touch since...yeah since right after the time they spent together in France. That's almost half a year ago. What a long time. Lisa closed her eyes for a short moment. His heart beat slowly but rhythmic beneath her palm. The warmth of his body ran through her hand and up her arm into her like electricity. It felt good. It felt invigorating. She wished he could feel the same. Her eyes opened. Jack still slept deeply. He wouldn't know. With a downcast gaze she took her hand off him, stood up and carried the basket with the toys into Katie's room.  
He would never know how much she still loved him.

Secretly watching her while she was standing at the stove and stirring the soup she made for them was beautiful and hurtful at the same time. Jack didn't know if to love or to hate her for what she did. She was sacrificing herself for something she had lost some time ago and Jack had no idea if he could give back any of it. He wanted to, yes. Gosh he loved her so much, but he didn't know if he had the right to take away her young and bright life. Lisa was spending so much time at Heartland recently to take care of all the things that became too much for the family that Jack wasn't sure if he wanted her here or better off into the wide world, living her life. He was an old and sick man and the coming years wouldn't get him younger or more agile. No. What lay in front of him was nothing he wanted to share with a much younger woman who still had both feet on the ground. Having her at his place made his condition even more unbearable – the reason why Jack was avoiding her most of the time. Even right now he couldn't get himself to step out of his bedroom and walk up to her. Greet her. Take her hand. Stroke some loose strands of her brown hair behind her ear. Look into her beautiful face. Lean down and - okay, he was drifting off. Cautiously, he closed the ajar door and returned to his bed, waiting for her knock that would tell him when dinner was ready.  
Somehow he needed to talk her out of this crazy idea about Arizona. A thought that was keeping him busy for quite some time now.  
After the blackout a few days ago, Lou sent for Jack's doctor who came straight away to check on him. He was lucky that he didn't suffer a second heart attack but the doctor was quite serious about his health. Walking about and getting himself into fights was nothing his still weak body could deal with. In addition to that the doctor was furious that Jack hadn't taken any of the pills he needed. It was life-threatening and stupid. Yes, he really was a stupid old man. He hadn't only threatened his own life but also scared the hell out of everybody else. Lisa's horrified expression was worse to look at than Lou's. The doctor imposed strict bed rest for the next few days and said that he would accelerate his rehab-trip to Arizona. It was time for him to get a change of scenes.  
Jack didn't like that idea but had to agree anyway. During a quiet moment when Lisa and Jack were alone in the house she had suggested to accompany him on the trip. Since their first meeting went fully into the bin Jack thought that it would give them another chance to finally talk things out and to spend some time together. It was a good idea but over the days his feeling about it became worse and worse. She was already spending too much time with him. Too much precious time she could spend somewhere else and most importantly with someone else. He wasn't worth all the worries and efforts. He was just Jack Bartlett, an old and sick man who lived his life.  
He needed to do this trip.  
Alone.


	13. Chapter 13

(That's a quick update HA! Thx for the reviews again. I know you are a bit upset about what I am doing to Jack and Lisa, but let me tell you that I exactly know where I want the story to go. So hope you stick with it for a bit longer...despite the unpleasant content sometimes ;) )

Chapter 13

"Send it back."  
This. Was. Not. Happening. Right now.  
There was a hospital-like bed standing in his living room. Right there. Next to the couch.  
A cold shiver ran down his spine as it reminded him of the sharp smell of the hospital, all the noises, the machines, the rush of the nurses and doctors, all the sick people, all the pitiful faces. A place he never wanted to visit, let alone to see again. He would even prefer the inside of his coffin because when being dead he would give a shit where he was. But this bed gave him the chills. Only seeing it standing there gave him even more the feeling to be on his way to death.  
What was she thinking? Why did Lisa bring it here? What was she trying to achieve?  
"Well...do you want to give it a try?", she said standing a few feet away from him. Her body really tensed up. Yet, tension was the only thing that had been laying between them ever since she came here to take care of the things. And of him. The bed made the situation even worse.  
Why was she doing this to him?  
' _That's what she did. What she had always been doing. She fussed. She worried. She bought inappropriate gifts. That's what she did with someone she loved.',_ he remembered. She had done it before but this time she had gone too far.  
"I don't need to give it a try. I am perfectly comfortable in my own bed." He responded, not able to look into her eyes.  
"Okay, but I think...just maybe give it a chance, 'cause it's adjustable and the mattress is a really lovely memory foam." she kept going while walking over and showed him the benefits of having a bed like this.  
She was talking but he didn't hear what she was saying. All he saw what that damn stupid bed. All he saw was him laying in that bed. Old. Wrinkled. Senile. Driveling. Smelly. Motionless. Looking at it was like looking through a tunnel that ended in death itself.  
He wasn't there yet, was he?  
He wasn't ready to walk down this path, was he?  
No!  
"I said send it back!" His voice blustered through the room. This time he looked straight into her eyes, showing how serious he was.  
"Okay. Fine. Why do you have to fight me on everything? I'm trying to just... I'm trying to take care of you."  
Great. This was exactly the point he refused to accept. Now he didn't only see him in that bed. Now he saw him in this bed and her spoon-feeding him and all the other stuff she wasn't supposed to do in her age. A life he never wanted for her. A life she didn't deserve.  
Why was she putting herself through this?  
Why was she giving up her life for him?  
Did she feel responsible for him?  
Did she feel sorry for him?  
He couldn't let her go down this road with him. If he loved her then he needed to let her go and boy, he loved her with all his broken heart could give right now. She needed to take the next turn. She needed to go and become happy. Meet someone, get married, move to France. He would never forgive himself to steal away her happiness. She was too young for him. He was too old for her. They didn't fit. It would never work out.  
"I don't need you to be my nurse!" His first attempt to free her from the chains he unwittingly put on her.  
She sighed. Jack knew it wouldn't be easy to tell her off. But she needed to leave. He couldn't bear one more minute having her here.  
"You had a heart attack."  
Thanks for the reminder.  
"We can't just pretend you're okay."  
He couldn't but she should.  
"If you don't want me to take care of you...I ...I...I get that."  
Good, now please go.  
"I just don't know what I'm supposed to be doing."  
Nothing, Lisa. Really. Nothing. Please leave.  
He couldn't listen to her going on. With tears in his eyes he turned around. He didn't want her to see them. It was too painful.  
"You don't tell me how you feel or what you need and I came back to...to..to be here for you."  
This was enough. He couldn't hear any more about her self-sacrifice.  
He was not worth her pain.  
Jack spun around. This time his expression was cold and determined.  
"You know what? Maybe we shouldn't go to Arizona together." He saw how hard his harsh words hit her. It made him cringe inside and he felt so sorry about all the pain he was causing her, but there was no other choice.  
If you love her, let her go.  
"Okay. Maybe you're right." she managed to say, nodding.  
He turned away another time. More tears gathering in his eyes, ready to fall any minute.  
Suddenly a completely new feeling rose in him. Hate. Hate for himself. He hated that he was too old for her. He hated that he wasn't born later. He hated that they weren't about the same age. He hated that they hadn't met earlier in life. He hated that their time together was and would be limited. He hated that they wouldn't last long. He hated that he wasn't suitable for her. He hated that they didn't fit together. He hated that they met at all. He hated destiny for that. He hated doing all this to her.  
"I think you should leave now."  
There was a short hesitation, but a second later Jack heard her turning on her heels and walking through the room and out of the house.  
He lifted his eyes and gazed after her, watching as she made her way out.  
She left. His heart burnt.  
I am so sorry Lisa, but my love for you tells me that letting you go is the most prudent decision for the both of us.


	14. Chapter 14

(For all those who want Jisa apart - I am sorry, this story will disappoint you.  
For those who are still waiting for more Jisa-moments - sometimes you have to go through the worst to get to the best :) )

Chapter 14

It was like the feeling of déjà vu – being on the road, trying to find a way around the piles of snow and carrying a terrifying feeling around.  
Lisa was on her way to Heartland.  
Something told her to.  
It was only yesterday when everything went downhill. If it hadn't been hard enough already to see Jack suffering under his current condition, they totally lost it all yesterday,  
Getting rejected from Lou was one thing, but being thrown out of the house by Jack was heartbreaking. Literally heartbreaking. She was so aghast by his reaction and words yesterday that she was actually glad to be leaving. The thing she needed was space. Lisa had spent so much time and effort into the Heartland family for the last weeks that it was hard to cope with another rejection. Space would give her the time to calm down and think things through.  
Of course the night went off sleepless and with many tears.  
She was exhausted by all the recent events but Lisa was sure about one thing: Giving up, giving up on him would leave her far worse than just exhausted. Her life was incomplete without him. Never in her life had she thought that someone would take in such a big part of her. They didn't share it half and half. No, his part in her life was much bigger than her own. It was scary. Especially since their relationship seemed to be further off the road than ever before. Lisa didn't know if there was still a chance. They hadn't talked about anything yet. The only conversation that was longer than just three words happened yesterday and it was probably the worst conversation they ever had. So, there were still important things left unexplained and Lisa needed to try to talk about them. Maybe it would help them to understand each others worries and needs.  
Jack was in a terrible condition which must have been the reason for his behavior and especially yesterday's behavior. Yeah, after some thoughts Lisa came to the conclusion that the bed was a stupid idea. Of course, he felt offended by it. But by the time she ordered it, it seemed to be a good idea. Jack chose the couch over his own bed several times, so she figured that it must be uncomfortable and he could use something adjustable. Obviously she was wrong and made a big mistake that jeopardized their entire future together. She was really sorry about it and had to tell him that. If he wasn't willing to talk to her than she would at least say that.  
Her car turned on the next intersection and brought her on the road that followed the field where she found Jack a few weeks ago. The bad feeling in her gut rose with every meter and again it felt like the whole heart attack day repeated itself.  
It indeed did. Did it?  
In the distance she saw a painted horse standing lonely on the field. All saddled up and without a rider. Paint.  
No. No. No.  
This couldn't be true. Lisa blinked several times to make sure that she wasn't dreaming. But Jack's horse still stood there as she approached it in her car.  
Lisa felt really cold suddenly and a shiver ran through her body.  
What was happening? Why? Where was Jack?  
For the last few meters she hit the gas pedal and came to a very sharp hold right next to the fence. Before the car even stopped completely, Lisa had already opened the door and jumped out, ran around it and crawled through the wooden fence. Hastily she hurried over to the horse which got a bit nervous by her rush and moved to the side, revealing who stood several meters behind it – Jack.  
Lisa stopped immediately and looked at him perplexed. He was turned away from her and walked around with his eyes scanning the ground.  
What was he doing?  
Although relief washed over her as she realized that he seemed to be alright, the familiar feeling of worry greeted her again. Jack was still dressed in the clothes he wore while resting inside – the check-patterned pants, the dark-green shirt, a bathrobe. At least he didn't forget to put on a thick winter coat. It was still very cold outside despite the sun that was sending a few warm rays down the earth.  
With this appearance he kind of looked like a maniac. Maybe he was. Maybe he went all nuts.  
Lisa walked over.  
"Jack?", she started cautiously and ripped him out of whatever he was doing. He hadn't noticed her coming and startled up. His eyes looked bewildered at her.  
Lisa swallowed. His cheeks and the top of his nose were red from the cold and his breath hung visible in the air.  
"Jack, what are doing here?", another cautious try as she stepped a bit closer. It was obvious that Jack hadn't expected to see her here. Especially after that occurrence yesterday. Yet, there was no questioning why she came back.  
"I..I'm looking for something." He carried on to scan the ground.  
Something? What could he possibly look for up here on the snowy field?  
"I lost something and I have to find it."  
He lost something? What on earth did he loo-?  
She nearly forgot. She hadn't thought about it for a few days, but she remembered now and of course it was still hidden deeply in the pocket of her coat.  
Lisa pulled the letter out of her pocket at the same time Jack turned towards her.  
He recognized what she was holding in her hand.  
Silence filled the air before he spoke up, pointing at the letter, still looking at it.  
"How...?"  
It was time to fill him in on what really happened. It was time to get off some of the pain that was sitting on her shoulders.  
"It was me Jack.", her voice so quiet he could barely hear it.  
He lifted his head to look at her questioningly.  
"The day of your heart attack? -I found you laying here. On that field.", Lisa explained with a shaky voice as the picture of him popped up again, but Jack shook his head slightly.  
"No. Amy did."His eyes narrow now.  
"It was me."  
"But Lou said you were in France."  
Of course, she did, Lisa thought sarcastically.  
"Lou didn't tell you the truth. She wanted to keep me out of it, Jack."  
Awkward silence.  
"I am so so sorry. I wanted to reach out to you but-"  
"Wait...hold on.", his head was shaking again, this time in disbelief.  
"She kept you out of what?"  
"Of everything. Of your life. She said you couldn't deal with … me. In your condition."  
"Wait. Wait Wait. What?"  
Lisa nodded emphasizing.  
It felt quite uncomfortable to pillory Lou but it was the truth and Jack deserved to hear the truth. She herself deserved that he knew about the real run of events. Their relationship deserved it. If it was still in the cards.  
He saw that she was serious. Her eyes as honest as ever, mingled with worry, pain and fear.  
"I wanted to help you, all of you-"  
"So that's what your argument was about last week? That's why she's avoiding you?"  
Lisa nodded again and the next second Jack rushed past her towards his horse, grabbed the reins and got into the saddle.  
"Jack! Where are you going? Jack!", she called after him, but he was already cantering off towards the ranch, whirling snow up into the air and leaving her alone on the white field.  
This didn't went well and although the truth was finally out, Lisa didn't feel better at all.

"LOU!"  
The door of the ranch house banged loudly against the wall as he entered.  
"Over here. Where have you been? Are you okay?", the young dark haired woman peeped around the corner of the living room, holding Katie and a book in her arms.  
"I want to-", he broke off as he saw the little girl smiling at him. There once was a time where this sweet young smile turned everything into a warm light but since the heart attack Jack had a hard time to let anything near him. His family felt so strange to him. No one really had the time to sit together and talk like they used to. Everyone was so damn busy that it made him feel guilty. He was the cause of the coldness at this place and that everything seemed to change. Yet, what Lou had done was unacceptable. Why was everyone treating him as if he would break down any minute or die at the next? He was a grown man and he was going to be alright. Wasn't he?  
"Peter, could you take Katie out to the ponies? I need to talk to Lou."  
"Uhm, yeah sure.", Peter said who was sitting on the couch and got up with a confused expression. Lou reached him their daughter and looked at her grandfather.  
"Grandpa? What is going on? We were really worried.", she walked up to him to take hold of his arm and lead him over to the couch but Jack shook her off. He was done being treated like a fool.  
"What's going on? Really? What is going on with _you_? Don't you think that your father is enough to deal with already? Now it's you too?", he shouted at her, fully aware that he didn't make any sense to her.  
"I don't understand what you mean.", Lou responded calmly.  
"How long were you planning to hide it from me?"  
"Grandpa, calm down. What are you talking about?"  
"You lied to me about Lisa! I really had to find out from her that she wasn't at France but up at the field finding me there. Unconscious and half dead. Do you have any idea how this makes me feel?"  
Lou swallowed nervously. How should she explain her reasons?  
"And furthermore you kept her away the entire time I was in that damn hospital? Do you know how much I wished she had been there at least once?"  
"Grandpa, let me explain-."  
"I AM NOT DONE YET!", he bellowed loudly which made her cringe.  
"You know what's the worst? You are interfering into MY LIFE! I AM NOT DEAD, Lou! I am sane enough to make my own decisions and I DON'T NEED YOU to take charge of my life! You have absolutely no right to decide who I am allowed to see or not!"  
He was done. With himself. With all of them. His whole life had become such a mess that he had no idea how to fix any of it. Why was all of this happening to him?  
"I wanted only the best for you, grandpa. No one of us had any idea how you felt about Lisa these days and you want to know why? Because you never say one single word about her, especially after your break up! I wanted to keep you save. After all her letter is the reason for all what happened to you.", Lou explained and gesticulated wildly through the air.  
"How do you know about the letter?"  
"I saw it when I picked up the mail."  
"It has absolutely nothing to do with any of it and besides that it is none of your business! KEEP OUT OF MY LIFE!" Jack couldn't go on any further than that. In his head everything started to spin again. The walls, the ceiling, the floor – they came closer and closer, threatening to squish him any moment. He needed to get out of here and fill his lungs with fresh air. This place had become so unpleasantly that he couldn't bear to stay inside any longer.  
With one last furious glance at Lou, he turned on his heels and left the house with the door banging against the wall one more time.  
Lou was still standing in the living room, her mouth wide open. She couldn't believe what just happened.  
She had never experienced such an angry Jack before. He usually was more the introverted type who discussed problems calmly, but today he was completely the opposite. Yet, Lou started to feel bad about what she had done. If she just knew how he felt about Lisa. She had to try to talk to him again. Another time. After he blew off his steam.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

It was quiet down by the pond which frozen silver surface reflected the weak rays of the late afternoon sun. The day had been awful, despite the beautiful sunshine. Usually Jack would have been outside the whole day to take care of all the duties that needed to be done on a winters day. However the morning started with an heavy head and heavy bones that refused to carry him around. When he entered the kitchen no one was there. Everyone was out to follow their own busy path of life. The house had become empty, cold and quiet. It was no longer a place of warmth and comfort and he couldn't stop the darkness of change from swallowing everything he loved.  
Jack wished he could turn back time and turn everything right. He knew exactly where he'd start: telling Lisa the truth that spending time with her was the most enjoyable thing in life, yet he couldn't do it in France. Not because he expected her to quit going but because he couldn't live such an unsettled life like her. Traveling back and forth suited her well, but it didn't suit him at all. She would have understood. As long as he was honest with her and the heck Jack would have told her the truth if Tim hadn't given him this stupid advice which he was dumb enough to follow. Maybe Lisa would have been disappointed because of the French vacation house but Jack was sure they would have found an option they both could agree on. That place in Arizona maybe. It looked nice in the magazine.  
But now, not even Arizona was happening. Well for him it did, but not for her.  
The heart attack was good for exactly one thing: to realize that he couldn't make her happy. Death would greet him sooner than her and only god knew how awful the last years were going to be for him. Lisa wasn't the right one to go through that mess. So, he pushed her away but Jack wasn't sure if he felt better now. To let her go was something that needed to be done, for her sake, if it felt right or not. She would realize that as soon as she found someone or something that made her happy or that could keep up with her. He couldn't. Age stood in his way. The clock was ticking. Ticking away.  
A cool breeze came up and blew around his face which was still cold from the wind up at the field. Jack didn't know how long he was up there to look for the letter. Time got lost as soon as he dismounted his horse and started to search the ground. He had no idea where to look. The field was big and Lisa was the only one who knew where he hit the ground after his heart attack. It made him feel bad, not to say terrible and somewhat ashamed that it was her who found him. From all the people – why her? If it hadn't been enough pain he caused her when she decided to break up with him – whatever he had done wrong, he still didn't know exactly what her reasons were. He lied about France, yeah but he apologized and he tried to find a way to make it up to her. Yet, she chose to back out even more. Why? And then the letter. Then her here back at Heartland taking care of him until he backed out and now she was back again. Why? Why was she always coming back to him? Didn't she realize that all he was capable of was to hurt her, to be a burden to her?  
Jack was torn between the feeling of wanting her and letting her leave which ripped his heart even more apart. He wanted her so bad and he needed her even more.  
All of a sudden the breeze that was softly brushing against his face changed direction and blew from behind against his back. He could feel that something was changing. Again. But in a good way.  
A feeling.  
Someone was there.  
Sent by the wind.  
Jack didn't need to look up and see who it was. He could feel her presence, her eyes on him, her hesitation and her decision to come closer. The soft rustle as she moved through the frozen grass drew closer with every step. It was like a slow motion that he could only hear but not see. Lisa came to a halt close behind him and the next second he could feel her hands on his shoulders as she put a quilt around his back. Jack appreciated the nice gesture as he started to get cold in his light cloths. She really took care of everything, he thought and smiled faintly to himself with a warm feeling rising in his heart.  
When she settled down beside him on that little bench, none of them felt the need to talk. There was a lot that needed to be discussed especially after those many things that happened. Too many bad things that took a toll on both of them and drove them apart at last. But now wasn't the right time to talk, the only way to overcome what happened was to remain silent and to listen to the others breathing.  
Silence was the most powerful scream right now.  
The scream to heal and to find back together. No words could express what they felt. So they just sat there side by side, both of them with their individual broken heart and looked over the glittering pond where thousand of little points of light danced across the ice.  
In the back a bit further away a herd of cows searched with their noses hidden in the snow for some frozen grass. It was Jack's herd which Tim moved to the back field. Jack had never wanted them there during the cold months but now with the white and silver blanket that covered the landscape it was an almost romantic scenery to look at. The visible clouds of breath hung like a misty shroud above their heads. Although Jack was furious with Tim about replacing the cows, he was thankful now. Sitting down by the pond, in the middle of the most beautiful winter scenery and with the woman he loved right next to him was something that reminded him of the beauty in his life.  
With a sigh Jack closed his eyes for a brief moment to take it all in. To breath it in and let it settle down in his heart.  
Lisa reached over and let her hand slide into his where it rested peacefully in his palm. A touch so simple, yet electrifying and animating that it sent a faint chill down his spine. He opened his eyes and with a little squeeze he intertwined their fingers and gently stroke with his thumb over the side of her hand. The dark cloud that had put a shadow above their lives finally moved on and gave way to the strong power of brightness. Light flooded their hearts and started to pick up the broken pieces. It was good to have her back and despite the unspoken words he knew that from now on it didn't matter what moved between them – they would get over it. Hand in hand.  
But for now it was enough to just sit there and enjoy the silence and the presence of each other.


	16. Chapter 16

(Quick update. We are almost there guys! But this chapter needed to be done first.I am so thankful for your patience with me and especially with the story.)

Chapter 16

"Lisa?"  
She froze outside Maggies.  
Lou.  
She swallowed.  
What now?  
Lisa turned around to face Jack's granddaughter.  
They hadn't talked for a long time.  
Both of them still avoiding each other.  
What could she possibly want right now?  
"Hi.", she said carefully, not sure what was about to happen next.  
Was she blaming her again for something? After all her lie was revealed and the truth out in the open.  
Lisa's body tensed up.  
Lou noticed and held out a hand to calm her down, her face softened.  
"Lisa, listen. I am so sorry about everything. I hadn't the right to … it's just... the heart attack really freaked me out-"  
Yeah, so did she.  
It hadn't been easy for anyone.  
Yet, Lisa appreciated Lou's attempt to apologize.  
"It's okay Lou. Really. Just understand that all I wanted was to help. To be there for each one of you."  
Lou nodded and sighed.  
"I know. You always have and we've never appreciated your support."  
Lisa smiled but didn't know what to say.  
She was right, yet Lisa would have never hold it against them.  
She knew that the family was still suffering under the loss of Marion Flemming – the one that played such an important part for each one of them.  
"About grandpa – what is going on between you two?", Lou went on.  
Oh?  
This question came unexpected.  
If she could only answer it to herself.  
What was going on?  
She had no idea.  
The last time they shared a really nice and promising moment, but hadn't heard from each other since then. No one really brave enough to start talking or the right time just hadn't occurred yet.  
"It's complicated.", was the only thing she could say.  
Lou was looking at her with one risen eyebrow.  
"If you need some time for yourselves to figure things out – I can get everyone out of the house tonight.", she offered.  
Now it was Lisa's turn to look at her with wide eyes.  
Was she serious?  
"That would be...wonderful, Lou. Thank you."  
"It's the least I can do. Grandpa needs you.", with that she supportingly squeezed her arm and smiled.  
"I gotta go. Pick up the girls. See you."  
Lou waved goodbye and turned around to walk back to her car.  
Lisa still stood there a bit longer, processing what just happened.  
She actually was invited back into the family and it was her chance to finally get the ball rolling. Preparations for tonight needed to be made.  
Without dropping into Maggies first, Lisa returned to her car and drove off.


	17. Chapter 17

(Sorry for the long wait)

Chapter 17

There was quite some noise in the living room earlier, while he was resting in his bedroom. He didn't dare to go out and see what was going on, but with a loud bang of the door it became quiet all of a sudden and he seemed to be alone. Obviously everyone was going out for tonight without even telling him which made him feel somewhat sad and angry. They usually never leave without at least saying goodbye but today was different. Alone with his self-pitty Jack didn't even bothered to go outside now. Only an hour later, after he woke up from his slumber, he heard someone in the kitchen. It made him wonder who was still in the house, so he put on his bathrobe and went to see who it was.  
The delicious smell of baking lasagna filled the house and the dining table was set for two, a candle in between the plates. A warm fire crackled in the fire place which turned the house into the place it used to be. Warm, welcoming and comfortable.  
His eyes moved through the room into the kitchen.  
And there she stood again.  
In front of the table.  
Lisa.  
He hadn't seen her for a couple days. After she left him quietly while he was still sitting by the pond the other day there had been no contact whatsoever. Jack didn't know what to make of it. Sharing the silence with her was one of the most beautiful moments he ever experienced. It felt so easy and light just to sit there, holding her hand in his and to take in the scenery that surrounded them. It was a tender moment that they both needed after the ups and downs they had gone through and it made him hopeful for what might come. Yet, the no contact left him confused. He was afraid to pick up the phone and invite her over, but she somehow had found her way back in his house anyway, like she always did.

"Hi.", he greeted her from behind and she whirled around, wearing an apron around her waist, her hands stuck in two oven mittens.  
"Hey.", she smiled at him and it turned the house even warmer. He hadn't realized how much he missed having her here, until now.  
"I didn't hear you come in.", Jack said and looked around to see what she was doing. There were a couple things cooking on the stove, the good-smelling lasagna in the oven and a bottle of wine and two glasses on the table.  
Lisa noticed his glance.  
"Yeah, I thought I would come by and make us some dinner."  
"Just dinner? This looks like a meal for a whole football team.", he joked which made her laugh softly.  
"Well, as far as I know it's just us tonight." Her eyes caught his and he didn't miss the auspicious sparkle and the faint mischievous twitch of her lips.  
She was up to something.  
"There is something for you on the table.", Lisa said and pointed into the living room before she focused back on the things that were cooking on the stove.  
With risen eyebrows Jack made his way over to the dining table and found the letter that had caused so much trouble laying on his plate. With a frown on his face, he opened it, curious if she had added anything to it but he found it unchanged. It were the same words he read before his heart attack. Jack kept staring at the paper, trying to figure out what her hidden message was when Lisa came in and set a pot with broccoli on the table.  
"You know, it's still in the game.", she winked at him and went back into the kitchen to get the other stuff, leaving him behind with a spinning heart.  
She didn't only come by to make dinner. She came to talk. Talk about serious stuff they should have talked about a while ago. This was it. The right time. And he still stood there in his pajama and his bath rope, looking totally awful and inappropriate for the situation. He'd better go get changed into something more accurate. The first time in weeks.  
So, Jack hurried over to his bedroom and closed the door behind him.  
What was going on with him? His hands trembled, his breathing faltered and there was a nervous feeling in his gut. He felt like a teenager who was about to date is crush.  
Damn it, Jack Bartlett stop acting like a weirdo.  
But that's what the whole situation was. Weird.  
Last time he wanted her as far away from him as possible and the reason why was still a serious topic for him. Yet on the other hand, realizing that she wasn't giving up no matter what happened was significant. There was still something really significant going on between them which was hard to ignore. Well, he had to weighed all his options now.  
After getting changed and cleaned up quickly, he stepped back outside, trying to find a comfortable spot while Lisa was still busy with the dinner.

The start had been made and it went better than she had hoped. Jack seemed to be open to spend the evening with her which was a good sign. After all anything was possible right now.  
Lisa took the lasagna out the oven and walked around the table into the living room. She stopped in her tracks when she saw Jack standing with his back to her by the fire place, rearranging the objects that stood on the mantelshelf before putting more logs into the fire. It was the first time in awhile that he was dressed in the usual way: blue jeans and a dark-green shirt that was neatly put under the waistband which was fastened by a leather belt.  
Although he lost weight, Lisa noticed his familiar body features. Especially the clothes that sat tighter on him than the pajamas he wore the last weeks, made the movements of his muscles visible underneath the fabric. Yeah, due to the lack of work he lost some of those, too but it didn't diminish the attractiveness it had on her. Her thoughts drifted back to their time in France where he made love to her in multiple ways.  
His lips on her skin.  
His hands all over her.  
His muscles playing underneath her fingers.  
He, as always gentle and sensitive, cautious not to hurt her. She had never thought that he was capable of doing the things he did or open enough to share it with her but he sure knew how to swift her off her feet, to take everything she had just to add his immense love for her and give it back in a way she will never forget.  
The memories of that time made her tremble from arousal.  
Where had the time gone? It seemed so long ago and so much happened in the meantime. So many things changed. Changed in a bad way that made her wonder if there still was a chance to revive what they once had. Did he even still love her? Would his love for her be as strong as it was some months ago? Tonight was the time to find out.

Lisa cleared her throat to pull herself from those thoughts and put the gratin dish on the table next to the other things.  
"Dinner is ready."  
Jack turned around and walked over to take a seat. His heart torn between 'I want this to happen' and 'She needs to go'.  
Wine he needed wine to ease his head. His hand reached for the bottle.  
"May I?"  
"You may.", Lisa smiled and settled onto her chair, happy about how things seemed to develop. With ease he pulled the cork from the bottle and poured them some wine, careful to fill his glass only halfway up. He still shouldn't be drinking alcohol at all but tonight he made an exception. A little bit of it would hopefully turn the anxiety into something he could deal with.  
Lisa raised her glass and looked at him, her beautiful face showing the sweetest smile.  
"To us.", her voice was like honey in his ears.  
"To whatever this is.", he heard himself saying, aware that his body and mind switched into an automatic mode. He was losing the fight against his feelings for her and especially against his need to want her.  
Just go with the flow, he thought to himself and clinked his glass against hers while loosing himself in the depths of her light blue eyes.  
The red liquid run through her mouth and down her throat, leaving a mellow yet at the same time bitter taste on her tongue.  
"So, I made us lasagna."  
"Aren't you something.", those words left his mouth before he even could think about it. Why was he repeating all the stuff he once said so many years ago? This really wasn't helpful at all but Lisa looked up amused and took his plate to load some of the food on it.  
He wasn't able to take his eyes off her while she was busy filling their plates. His heart racing in his chest as he tried to regain control over the feelings that were jumping crisscross through his body. That day down by the pond felt so easy that Jack really thought they could make it through everything together. Now he wasn't so sure anymore. Someday it would only be her who had to go through it alone. Then he would be too weak or too sick to stand by her side or he would be dead and leaving her behind. These thoughts brought him back to reality. It was serious. Only thinking about the pain he would cause her was enough pain for himself. Jack knew how it felt to loose someone you love. Lyndy left way too soon. Marion left way too soon. Both deaths were the most painful experience he had to go through in his life. While Lyndy's death came slow and creeping, Marion was snatched from life all of a sudden. What would his death be like? Well, it didn't matter, What mattered was that Lisa couldn't be a part of it.  
The full plate stood before him and he stared at it with sad eyes. The appetite was gone, yet Lisa looked at him expectantly, so he took knife and fork and started to dig though the food.  
They ate in silence.  
Only the crackle of the fire and the clinking of the silverware on the plates filled the room. It was awkward and reminded Lisa of the many days she spent here the last weeks. Although it started so well, this evening seemed to turn into one of those days where they would finish their meal without looking at or talking to each other and it made her mad. She hadn't come here to do this all over again. It was the last chance and she had to take it.  
With a little too much force she put the silverware down on the table and turned her head to look at him determined which caused him to look up as well, confused.  
"Why?"  
Jack's eyebrows rose in surprise and confusion.  
"Why what?", he asked slowly and carefully.  
Lisa leaned back against her chair and sighed.  
"Why is it so hard for you to talk to me? I...I...I am really trying here, Jack.", she said, referring to the all the attempts she had been making so far to reach out to him but he didn't take the bait.  
Jack only shook his head, not because he didn't want to talk about it but because he had no idea where to start.  
"What is it?", she pushed further, sensing that he was struggling with himself.  
"I know you might not understand this but … I keep picturing us ten years down the road and... I don't like what I see.", he mumbled unable to look at her. There was a little pause while she tried to understand what he was trying to tell her, but she didn't. What on earth could be so terrible in ten years that he would push her out of his life now?  
"What do you see?"  
This time he lifted his had to look at her with an devastated expression.  
"I see me. Laying in that bed, you spoon-feeding me mashed potatoes.", he explained dryly.  
Lisa wasn't sure what he was talking about at first, but the picture he explained came more and more to the surface of her mind.  
"That's a lot of crap. With all respect, you..you...you can't predict the future. How do you know ten years from now that I'm not gonna need someone to spoon-feeding me mashed potatoes?"  
"You're lot younger than me, Lis."  
"Is that what all of this is always gonna be about? You are trying to save me from a life of taking care of you?  
"Yes, you can say that.", he affirmed shyly and Lisa couldn't help but feel touched by his concern. That was Jack Bartlett, a man who always tried to safe others from any harm, even if it meant to load all the pain on his own shoulders. He was too selfless sometimes.  
"It's honorable, but it's damn stupid. Don't you get that I am here because I love you, not because I feel sorry for you?"  
"But this is all water under the bridge because if loving each other was enough we would still be together, wouldn't we?", Lisa added after a little consideration, referring to the ups and downs they were going through lately.  
"What does that mean?"  
"All I ever wanted was to spend more time with you, Jack. But nothing seems to work for the two of us."  
"We worked fine, Lis. Before you left. "  
"Maybe for you we did, but do you think I enjoyed all this time apart from you? I didn't. I just needed something that would have given me the feeling that _whatever_ we had was serious, but you didn't get it. Everything was hunky-dory for you."  
These words hit him like a fist in the face. Jack had never realized how much she seemed to suffer from their long-distance relationship. He didn't know that it was a big deal for her but then why did she leave him in the end?  
"That...It's ...I … . I still don't understand why you left."  
"Because I was stupid enough to think we should have it all or nothing. Since the marriage wasn't in the cards for us and the vacation house vanished into thin air I thought it was best to just have nothing with you instead of always looking for something that would bind us together."  
Silence arose between them in which both were trying to find the right words. Lisa found them first and he could tell how hard she was trying to hold back the emotions. Her face was going through different stages of feelings.  
"I was stupid Jack, because...because...I love you and...it doesn't matter what we have as long as we have each other.", she started to sob in mid-sentence and tears started to roll over her cheeks which she was hastily trying to wipe off and stop from falling.  
Those words and seeing her like this broke his heart. He reached over and took both her hands in his, pulling them up to his lips and placing a soft but long kiss on her fingers that were damp and salt-tanged from the tears. This caused her to sob even more. Her index finger moved over the corner of his mouth. She was longing so desperately to feel more of him. But would he approve it? Was he going to let her? Afraid of being rejected again Lisa just looked at him until he leaned in and pulled her closer. His forehead rested softly against hers. Both of them watched their intertwined hands caressing each other.  
"You don't have to look for more, Lisa. We already have what binds us together.", he said quietly and his eyes moved from their hands to her face that was only inches away from him.  
"Love.", she whispered and he inhaled her warm breath that filled him with life. With a faint nod, he started to close the small gap and his lips brushed slightly against hers when suddenly the entrance door of the house was ripped open and loud steps on the wooden floor walked through the hall.  
Jack and Lisa immediately pulled back. He sat back up straight while she tried to erase the evidence of her tears.  
"Hey hello. Am I too late for leftovers?", Tim's loud voice echoed through the room as he stepped into the living room looking at the food that was still on the dining table.  
"Hi Lisa.", he greeted her friendly and his eyes moved between her and Jack back and forth, trying to figure out what was going on.  
Lisa nodded in response and Jack glanced at him with a furious expression, but Tim ignored it and sat down on one of the chairs.  
"Don't get too comfort-", Jack started annoyed, but Lisa put a hand on his arm to calm him down.  
"I will get you a plate.", she said instead and walked into the kitchen, not only to get the plate but also to clear her head from what just happened. Almost happened.  
"Thank you, Lisa.", Tim chuckled, leaned back and crossed his arms behind his head.  
Jack was filled with so much anger right now. How can he just drop in here like welcome family member which he was definitely not? How could he just drop in and destroy everything? Why wasn't he with all the other ones?  
"So? Farewell dinner before you're heading to Arizona tomorrow, huh?", he winked at him with a big grin.  
Arizona.  
Tomorrow.  
He totally forgot.  
Looking at Lisa who just returned from the kitchen told him that he wasn't the only one who forgot.  
Her eyes narrow in apprehension.  
They changed an ambiguous look.  
Neither of them had thought about it.  
And yet his rehab-trip was laying ahead.  
The one he was going to do alone.  
Without her.  
Because he told her not to come.  
What a big mistake.


	18. Chapter 18

(Can u believe it. I actually updated. That was one crazy week and I am beyond sorry that it took me so long to finish that chapter. So sorry! I hope it doesn't disappoint you. Enjoy reading.)

Chapter 18

Noises.  
People.  
People.  
Noises.  
Too much.  
Too many.  
Too loud.  
And he amongst all of it.  
Totally out of place.  
He hated it.  
He hated the whole trip already.  
Four weeks.  
Two weeks at the rehab center first.  
Then two weeks for himself traveling through the state.  
Alone.  
Well, he always wanted to be alone.  
Now he got the best chance to enjoy it.  
Just him and his mood.  
Yay me, Jack thought ironically and couldn't help but miss _her_ incredibly.  
It was all wrong. They should go on that trip together. She wanted to come. It was a good idea. Finding some time to get back together. Well, it was a good idea until his stubbornness kicked her out.  
Yay me. Good job, Mr. Stupid.  
And then it was too late.  
Everything seemed to be too late when it came down to their relationship.  
They didn't even manage to end yesterday's evening properly. Like always there was no time and no space. Before they could talk about Arizona, the whole family got back home and pitched into the leftovers of Lisa's cooked dinner. Of course it was nice to sit around the table with the whole family like they used to do before the heart attack. It almost felt like the good old times and surely helped Jack to regain the gratefulness for the people around him. Yet, he noticed the sad glimmer in Lisa's eyes and knew that the state of their relationship was still dissatisfying. Not only for her but for him too. They talked but there were still things left unsaid or rather undone. They were about to kiss. But Tim ruined it all. As always. Kissing her would have been the key that opened the door to the solution of their struggles but somehow it wasn't meant to be.  
With an agonized expression Jack followed Lou and Amy to the security check-in of the airport in Calgary. After driving him here he told them to leave but his granddaughters insisted to go with him. After all he wasn't really familiar with the whole airport procedure and they wanted to make sure that he ended up at the right place.  
They just made their way past all the shops that offered hundreds of useless things one didn't need when suddenly a voice spoke up from behind. Jack didn't hear it first due to all the noises that filled the hall, but there was this sound of something familiar that made him stop in his movements. The girls turned around as they noticed his hesitation.  
"Excuse me, sir. Do you mind accompanying me to gate 48? "  
Gate 48. That was the one his plane to Arizona took off.  
Jack spun around. He wasn't sure where to look first. There were so many people walking down the hall, past him which made it hard to focus. But then he spotted her. Among the crowd of the rushing people, she stood as solid as a rock. She was standing a couple feet away from them, holding a travel bag in her hand and smiled, her eyes sparkling as always.  
"Lisa!"  
Suddenly it was just them. All the other people vanished even more into the background where their blurred bodies faded more and more into the darkness.  
Was he dreaming or was this for real?  
Jack could swear that despite the distance he could hear her breathing as if it was right beside his ear.  
With two long strides he rushed over to her.  
It was now or never to finally grab the chance that had been so patient with the two of them.  
"Jack.", her voice loaded with the deepest emotions, her eyes piercing.  
Not caring about the public space they were at and the curious looks of his granddaughters, he cupped her face in his hands, titled her chin up and forcefully pressed his lips against hers for an emotional and lingering kiss. Lisa's bag dropped to the ground. Her hand found its way around his wrist and squeezed it approvingly before she leaned into him. Their bodies melded immediately.  
His hips against hers, her beating heart meeting his.  
Heat rose between them which didn't only emerge from the physical but also from the emotional contact and caused them to heavily gasp into the kiss.  
It was the first time that Lisa could feel that he was truly alive. Alive with her. The dark picture of him laying lifeless in the snow disappeared with the heavy burden that had been weighing on her shoulders. She felt light and renewed, strong and ready, determined to walk with him till the end. His hands slid down along her side, grabbed her waist and moved around to the small of her back only to press her even more against him. Their lips still merged together, not daring to let go, afraid that it was just a daydream that hunted their souls. Breathing became more and more difficult.  
Lisa opened her eyes. She needed to see that everything was real and looked straight into his. They were so full of wisdom, of devotion and love, the corners of his eyes wrinkled by age. Some said he was too old for her. He said that he was too old for her but she didn't agree. He was all she ever wanted.  
Longing for air Jack parted only inches from her face, never breaking the contact with her light blue eyes. Finally everything felt right. The doubts, the fear was gone. What remained was the feeling that they would work. They worked fine before and they would work even better from now on. The break didn't come without a reason. They both needed time and space to realize that what they shared wasn't just some relationship. They had more than that. Yeah, maybe he was too old, maybe she was too young, maybe he would leave her way too soon, but now they had to make the best of the time that was left, living and enjoying each moment in its fullest.  
His fingertips gently massaged the lower of her back.  
"So, do you mind me coming?", she asked again so quietly that only he could hear it.  
"No, I don't mind at all."  
Traveling had never been one of his biggest passions. No, to be honest it was completely the opposite but today Jack couldn't wait to get out of here. He couldn't wait to spent four weeks with her only. To spend the rest of his life with her.  
"Let's do it.", he whispered, his breath meeting hers.  
"Yes.", she smiled, reached up once more and pressed another but shorter kiss on his lips, her gaze on him the entire time.  
Jack took her hand and bent down to pick up her bag. His duffel bag still stood by the girls who were polite enough to keep themselves busy with some magazines in one of the shops while giving Jack and Lisa just a bit private space although the airport hall was anything but private. Bit by bit the surrounding came back into focus. The rushing people were still there. Yet, nobody really had been giving them any attention and Jack relaxed. He was worried that people would watch them or laugh about them when seeing such a young woman with an old guy like him. But no one really cared. So everything was fine and having her by his side made him feel proud. He fleetingly leaned down to put a peck on her cheek. Her slight chuckle vibrated against his arm. Hand in hand they walked over to Lou and Amy.  
"Hey Lisa.", Amy greeted her as they turned around while Lou winked at Lisa with a meaningful expression that Jack couldn't read. He somehow got the feeling that both women held a little secret.  
"So grandpa, ready to go?" Lou squeezed his arm encouragingly. He had never been any more ready and nodded.  
"Ready to go.", he said and drew Lisa a bit closer to his side who leaned comfortable against him.  
"I'd say you are in best hands now. It's time to head back, Lou. I am expecting a client in an hour.", Amy said and handed over her grandfather's bag.  
"Yes, I will take him from here.", Lisa joked, referring to grandpa Jack's inexperience of traveling. The girls laughed and even Jack couldn't help but chuckle. How right she was.  
"Have a wonderful time.", Lou hugged her grandfather and Lisa goodbye.  
"And get some rest, grandpa!", Amy added, doing the same.  
"Yeah, yeah.", he mumbled, hoping that he would have the best time of his life.  
"Bye girls. Make sure your father doesn't blow up my place."  
They laughed but knew that the joke was meant seriously.  
With another little wave goodbye, Jack and Lisa started to walk towards the security check.  
"Grandpa!", Lou called after them.  
They stopped and looked over their shoulders.  
"We'd love to hear how _you two_ are doing down there.", she winked at him and made sure to stress the words 'you two'.  
"We will send a postcard.", he responded.  
"Or call you.", Lisa added amused.  
"Either way."  
With that they disappeared behind the next corner, getting in line for the security check. More people queuing up behind them.  
"Lisa?", Jack leaned down a bit so that only she could hear him, his nose pressed into her hair right above her ear. Her familiar scent almost took his breath away. He was still trying to adjust to new circumstances.  
"Hm?"  
"What are you and Lou up to?", he asked, referring to the meaningful glance both women exchanged a few minutes ago. Lisa looked up.  
"Couldn't have done that without a little help.", she said and waved her plane tickets in front of him, pointing out Lou's help to organize a flight so Lisa could join Jack on his four-week trip to Arizona.  
Having her here with him was one thing, but having her here and knowing that the family supported their relationship healed his heart. Jack hadn't felt that completed for a long time and yeah, maybe he should share his happiness more with others. With the people that cared about him. He should stop diminishing himself. He should stop to compare himself with the woman he loved. He should start to see them as a united whole, two parts that cannot live without the other, like a family. And one day Lisa will be part of the family officially. One day soon. Jack silently promised her that, intertwined their fingers, lifted them up to his lips and sealed that promise with a soft kiss on her knuckles.

(Thank you for all your patience and all your reviews!)


	19. Chapter 19

(Alright you guys. I actually wasn't planning to do another chapter but I recognized I wasn't really clear in the last one that it was actually the last one HA! I don't want to be the bad guy, so this one is just for you and and for your patience with me lol. Hope you enjoy it. It's the last chapter of the story.)

Chapter 19

It was 8p.m. somewhere in Arizona. The wind was howling outside and hit forcefully against the window of the motel room. It was dark. Only the old-fashioned bedside lamp threw a dim light cone onto the king-sized bed where Jack leaned against the headrest. His reading glasses sat on his nose while he was flicking through some colorful travel brochure about Arizona's top attractions. Not that he was keen to visit all of them but maybe he would pick two or three of them and plan something like a little road trip. Stop here and there, see this and that. No pressure. No force. Just a spontaneous trip.  
The heavy raindrops that pounded against the pane was noisy yet let the atmosphere in the room appear quite cozy. Jack was glad to be inside and enjoy the warmth of the heating. Although the furniture was a bit shabby it was pretty comfortable in the room. Well, at least more comfortable than sitting in a car and driving through the storm.  
They arrived at the airport three hours ago and leased a car to take the two hour drive to the rehab center. However, an upcoming storm changed their plans. It was too dangerous to drive in the dark and the heavy wind. Although Jack insisted to drive all the way, Lisa convinced him to make a halt at the best next motel and call the clinic to let them know that they were arriving tomorrow morning. Due to the worsening weather Jack had to agree with her worries and couldn't help but think that maybe, yeah maybe destiny had its finger in the pie. Maybe it all was part of the way the needed to go and so he stopped opposing and welcomed spontaneity into his life.  
Jack looked up as the bathroom door opened and Lisa entered the room, her hands up, fumbling with the clip that was still holding her hair together. When she undid it, loose strands fell lightly onto her bare shoulders. She was dressed in a satin nightdress of a lilac color that swirled around her knees as she moved towards the table to put down the hair clip and look outside the window, checking on the terrible weather. The white strings that held the dress up contrasted nicely with the skin color of her shoulders. When she turned around Jack couldn't help but gasp, dazzled by her beauty. The low neckline revealed a bit more skin than usual which made the blood in his veins boil up.  
He had seen her like that before. Nevertheless, it had been some time since then and he was athirst. For her. For her love.  
"It's awful out there. I am glad we decided to make a stop and drive the rest of the way tomorrow.", she said absentmindedly but Jack didn't really listen. He set aside the brochure and his glasses and held out both hands, inviting her over to the bed. A smile played around the corners of her mouth as she walked through the room and put her hands in his, letting herself be pulled towards him while he slid down a bit into an almost level position. On her knees she crawled across the bed, turned around so she would face him and rested her upper body on his, her legs tucked up at his side. With ease their lips met for a soft kiss before she snuggled to his cheek, eyes closed.  
His hand automatically found its way under the fabric of her nightdress and gently caressed the soft skin of her tight.  
"You have no idea how much I missed you", she breathed into his ear, her nose pressed against his temple. The warm aspiration of her breath made him shiver.  
"Oh, I think I do.", he replied while his fingers traced the edge of her underwear. Jack swallowed, holding on to his sanity although his head started to spin in circles.  
Yeah, he knew how much she missed him because he missed her just as much. Realizing that she left him was hard. Harder than he thought it would be. He had never gotten over her. Never. And never in his life would he had thought to be so dependent on someone. After his first wife passed away Jack swore to never let someone into his heart again. When Lisa and he first met, he never imagined that what they shared would turn out so strong. Stronger than what he had with Lyndy. He loved Lyndy -with all his life, but he loved Lisa with all his heart. And that was the difference. Jack had never experienced to love from the heart, until Lisa came around. That she was much younger than him and lived a completely different life didn't made things easier. Jack had to get used to his feelings and to her. Yet, after six years he could say he managed. He did get used to it and it was hard to see things slipping through his fingers when Lisa decided to end their relationship. Well, it seemed like she got used to her feelings and him all too well, too. She came back.  
Her fingers were playing with the buttons of his shirt while her face was nestled into the crook of his neck.  
"It would be nice to have a place like this to ourselves.", her voice was husky and Jack wasn't sure if she was about to fall asleep.  
"Are you bringing up that house in France?"  
She laughed and slapped him playfully on the chest.  
"Believe me, I know better than that."  
Now it was his turn to laugh.  
"But seriously, wouldn't it be nice to just escape to somewhere quiet every now and then?"  
"Yeah, it would be nice.", he agreed and placed a kiss to the corner of her eye, thinking about what he could do to make it possible. The house was always crowded and busy and it was just reasonable that two adults that were in a relationship actually needed some place without a dozen curious eyes and talking behind their back. Lisa was right, having so less time for themselves was like poison that jeopardized their relationship. They really needed to do something about it.  
"You know, my place is always available.", she teased him, knowing that he never had felt comfortable there. When he didn't reply to that, she lifted her head to look at him. His eyes were on her with an expression she found hard to read. But when he started to stroke back some strands of hair that had fallen into her face, she knew that their love for each other was beyond imagination.  
"You are so beautiful.", his voice was raspy and his thumb ran over her cheek.  
"Thank you.", she said gracefully with her typical sweet Lisa expression.  
With his arms around her body, he managed to roll her over onto her back, their lips already locked in a deep and passionate kiss that sent both of them into a world that only they could enter. Hovering above her, Jack was trying to free their legs that were kind of twisted up by the movement. But in the end he found himself between hers that immediately ran around his hips to hold on to him. He was careful not to put his full weight on her but her arms twined around his neck and pulled him down onto her body. Both moaned into the kiss as they felt the full physical contact on each other. He was lost. Lost in her. In her body. In her mind. In her soul. In her heart. She took everything from him but he did the same. He wanted everything of her. Touch her. Feel her. Move with her. He wanted to be one with her. He needed to.

Lisa hung on the phone. It was a costumer on the other end of the line who wanted to drop by Fairfield today to look at one of her stallions that were for sale. She had been talking to him for about ten minutes already but the guy didn't seem to understand that she wasn't on-site to meet him.  
"Listen, there is no more I can tell you right now. I am out of town for the next four weeks. If you are really interested in Stardust Cloud then I will see you when I am back. Otherwise-", in her voice resonated an annoyed sound and her eyes closed for a moment when the man interrupted her in mid sentence. With a big sigh she leaned her head against Jack's forehead. She was tired of explaining and arguing, he could tell.  
They were still laying in the king-sized bed of the motel room they spent the night in. It was about 9 am in the morning and the storm passed only to change into beautiful sunshine that just rose behind the far off hills.  
She was laying on her stomach, elbows propped onto the mattress and wrapped into the bed sheet that covered her bare body. Jack was laying on his side next to her under the same blanket and drew invisible circles on her back which wasn't covered up. His fingertips traced the bones of her spine downwards until his hand disappeared under the white fabric of the bed sheet. He loved touching her. He loved to feel her delicate skin beneath his fingers. It had the most soothing effect on him that would let him forget all the worries and pain he usually carried around. The night they spent together healed a lot that was broken within him. Broken not only from the heart attack but also from the breakup with her. Yet, with her help Jack was finally able to recover. Maybe he wouldn't need to visit the rehab center at all. Maybe they should spent the full four weeks traveling through the country only. To do a bigger road trip than the one he had planned. But then again, his doctor wouldn't be too happy if he missed out on the therapy. It was best to stick to the arrangements. It's just – he was so high spirited right now, after that intense and intimate night with her. They renewed their love and they renewed their silent vow to each other. Jack knew that this time their relationship would last. Till the end.  
Lisa hung up the phone and put it aside before burying her face in her hands and exhaling loudly.  
"I hate people.", she said with a muffled voice. Jack laughed.  
"Shouldn't it be me saying that?", he replied. Lisa had always been more the socialized person while he always preferred to talk to his horses or cows. It was quite unusual for her to be annoyed by others.  
"True.", she chuckled.  
They enjoyed a moment of silence while he kept kneading the soft spots on her back.  
"We should hit the road, shouldn't we?" , she started but didn't sound ready to go at all. Her voice was husky, kind of dreamy and relaxed.  
"Yeah." he responded but instead of moving to get up, Jack started to move his lips over her shoulders while his hand slid around her waist, his flat palm on her stomach. She giggled when it moved upwards and he pressed his nose into her hair.  
"Jack. Really, we should go.", she breathed wobbly as his hand touched more sensitive areas of her body.  
"I'd prefer staying."  
"I know you do, but you shouldn't miss too much of the schedule at the clinic."  
"You sound like the doc."  
"I am the doc."  
They both laughed at that last statement.  
She turned her head to face him, wrapped one arm around his neck and kissed him sincerely before looking back into his eyes.  
"C'mon.", she said and he knew with that their first time back together was over. Over till next time.

(Thx again for reading the story)


End file.
